


Blind AU: Dark Verse

by BohemianBeth



Series: I See the Light [3]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Badgers, Blind AU Verse, Blind Character, Brian Needs a Hug, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Torture, Whump, evil farmer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23268235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BohemianBeth/pseuds/BohemianBeth
Summary: Set in the Blind AU verse. What happens when the unimaginable occurs and Brian has to rely on Roger instead of the other way around?OrA plot thread too twisted to explore in the main story.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff
Series: I See the Light [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550953
Comments: 36
Kudos: 31





	1. Scandal

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back!! And this new story is not for the faint of heart. It takes place in the Blind AU verse but is separate from the main story because it's too dark. Basically this is what would happen if everything went wrong for our love birds. Horror movie style wrong. So this is your official TRIGGER WARNING. If any of the following things make you uncomfortable, don't read: kidnapping, abuse, torture, violence, lots of angst and whump. I promise we'll get through this fucked up story and the coronavirus together. Now grab some of your quarantine snacks and let's begin...

_Brian's POV_

Lynette Jefferson was a sweet girl. She was 19 years old and loved animals. That was all I knew about the intern who worked with me at Team Badger. Apart from her waving to me and wishing me a good morning, we never had much interaction outside of acknowledging smiles and nods as we met each other in the halls. Now I wish I had known her better. I wanted to give her a hug and reassure her that soon she'd be back home safe and sound with her family. But I couldn't do any of that because Lynette was gone. 

"Right here?" Roger asked as he positioned the candle by the rest at Lynette's vigil. "Right there. Careful with the match, baby." 

A weeping woman approached me as I instructed Roger. "Thank you for coming. Lynette loved working for Team Badger and making a difference. She would always tell me about how the tall curly haired man was so kind to her. I'm assuming that was you. Oh and thank you for the flowers that your partner left down there by her picture. They're beautiful. Lilies were her favorite." 

"The lilies are from my brother-in-law actually. We're all doing what we can because we feel awful. I'm tremendously sorry, Mrs. Jefferson." I wasn't sure what else to say. There was no promise that Lynette would be found. She had been missing for weeks. The police were on the case, but they had no lead. Lynette was last heard from when paying a visit to Mr. McGregor, a local farmer. On behalf of Team Badger she was trying to convince him to implement a vaccine in lieu of the cull. The police ruled out Farmer McGregor as a suspect. Knowing the man's stubbornness and what he did to the badgers, I questioned the officers' judgement. Then again perhaps I was tainted by a bias. The badger cull was legal so it could be understandable to some with a moral compass different than my own. Kidnapping a young girl, on the other hand, was not. Why would he ever do something like that? 

"Thank you for the additional candle. Hopefully it's bright enough for Lynette to see it. Oh my poor baby!" Mrs. Jefferson sniffled. 

"I'm sorry." Roger murmured shifting back over to me. "Bri says she was a nice girl. I never met her, but I wanted to be here for moral support."

Mrs. Jefferson nodded as she dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief. "Well I appreciate it. Thank you, boys." She wandered off to go embrace a sobbing man. 

"This is rough." Roger sighed shutting his eyes. "I hate seeing crying mothers. Do you think they're gonna find her?" 

At this point it was becoming more unlikely that Lynette would turn up alive. I just embraced Roger without saying a word. 

***

I couldn't sleep. So against my better judgement, I left Roger cocooned snuggly in blankets as he snoozed and went in the other room to do some research. I knew of Farmer McGregor's reputation from my coworkers and general gossip, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to Google him and find out more. What I uncovered was more disturbing than I had anticipated. He had a history of leaving long incoherent rants about his vehement hatred toward vegans in the comment section of various Facebook pages about animal rights causes. I spotted something he wrote underneath a social media post that featured me. 

_'Astrophysicist, Dr. Brian May, shows off his guitar skills at a local charity event for foxes...'_

I was afraid to click on Farmer McGregor's comment. My finger hovered over the button before I finally gave in. 

**Farmer McGregor wrote at 1:39 AM:** _Aaarggh! Those motherfucker vegan fuckers! I hate them! This poodle haired wanker cares more about the goddamn foxes than the peoples like you and ME. When will natural selection kill them already because they dont eat protein??? HUMAN LIVES are better than animals. Someone outta teach that lesson to this prick! He should know better. Animals cant play guitar like that. Why is that?? Cause animals are INFERIOR! We are higher on the food chain!!! So just SHUT THE HELL UP you stupid vegan fuckfaces!_

"What a hateful ignorant troll." I shook my head. It was best not to be reading this stuff before bedtime. Although I was already down the rabbit hole, so I might as well try to search for any connection he might have with Lynette's disappearance. You'd think the police would be more suspicious of this man. 

I found Farmer McGregor's Youtube page. The latest video was his tutorial on how to make rabbit stew. That seemed self explanatory, but I watched it nonetheless. "Hey folks, Farmer McGregor here! I finally caught that no good rabbit who keeps trespassing onto my farm and nibbling at my crops. As you know my pet peeve is trespassing. So here's what left of that little bastard!" He opened bubbling the pot revealing a dead rabbit simmering inside. Disgusting! What did I expect? I closed the video only to find another one pop up in my recommended. This video was entitled: _Culling Those_ _Badgering Badgers!_ The thumbnail featured a badger caught in a trap clearly in pain. The description read: _The only good badger is a dead badger. These disgusting creatures are ruining MY farm and infecting MY cattle that I use for MY milk and butter! Now I'm taking matters into my own hands.._. Feeling sick to my stomach, I rushed to the sink and threw up. 

"Brimi?" I heard Roger call for me as I puked. "Oh no! Are you sick?" He clambered over to the sink and held back my curls as I hurled. "I told you that Satan chicken you ate was nasty." 

"Seitan chicken, not Satan chicken." I corrected. "And I'm okay now." I fill a cup in the tab and gurgled some water to clear my throat. "It wasn't what I ate, Rog. I'm just repulsed by these hideous videos put up by Farmer McGregor."

Roger glanced at the thumbnail on the computer screen. "That's a badger, but what's that thing on his foot?" 

"That's a trap." I stated in disgust and clicked on the flag icon by the video. 

"What are you doing?" Roger asked. 

"I'm marking this video as inappropriate. Hopefully it'll be taken down. If not, it'll get more attention so the police might be more encouraged to look into this evil farmer." I explained. 

"Well if there's _anything_ I can do to make you feel better, let me know." The way he batted his eyelashes, I knew what he was insinuating. 

"I just threw up, so I'm not in that kind of mood. Sorry, babe." I let him down gently. "Let's just go back to bed."

"Alright. Can I at least get a kiss then?" 

"I probably taste like vomit, but sure." I bent down and pecked his lips. Roger recoiled. "Yeah you're right. You taste like vomit. Go brush your teeth."

After freshening up, I returned to the bedroom which was much too bright for an hour this late. Roger liked to sleep with a light on since he was understandably afraid of the dark. We argued a lot over how bright it should be. "Honey, do you really need your nightlight on full blast like this?" The only response I got was a soft snore. Precious little thing had fallen right back asleep. I dimmed the nightlight and joined him in bed. 


	2. Keep Yourself Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian pays a visit to Farmer McGregor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quarantine is going great! I'm totally sane.  
> *Gets a mosquito bite*  
> Me: Oh no! It's coronavirus and I'm gonna die!!
> 
> Oh yeah social distancing is no problem at all. I'm not paranoid that I caught the virus or anything.  
> *Period cramps*  
> Me: Oh no! It's coronavirus and I'm gonna die!!
> 
> I'm starting Zoom University. It's like things are back to normal, and I don't have to even think about the virus.  
> *Gets a paper cut*  
> Me: Oh no! It's coronavirus and I'm gonna die!!
> 
> That's my life now in a nutshell. Anyway here's the next chapter. Things are about to get very very dark very very fast...

_Brian's POV_

Was I going slightly mad? Perhaps. I made sure to give Roger an extra firm kiss before we parted ways knowing there was a chance I wouldn't be coming home. Roger didn't know what I was up to. Nobody did.

The police had ruled Farmer McGregor out as a suspect, but I planned on paying him a little visit. If not to find out more about Lynette, then to rescue more badgers and bunnies from his clutches. I knew I would get nowhere trying to convince him to convert to the vaccine for bovine tb, but I needed an excuse to investigate. Plus in the miracle that I could change the twisted man's mind, I'd be doing my animal friends a life saving favor.

Sure enough when I pulled up to the farm, the first thing I spotted was a sweet little badger caught in a trap. Poor thing was whimpering trying to break free from the sharp clasps cutting into his foot. I immediately got out of the car and rushed to help the agonizing creature. Blood was beginning to ooze from his fur. "Don't worry, little guy. Shh. I'm going to get you out of here and away from the monster who did this to you." I whispered as I attempted to pry open the trap and free the withering badger. "I'll take you back to my friends at Team Badger and we'll have one of the vets wrap your little foot and soon you'll be good as as new."

"HEY!" A voice screamed in the distance. I winced at the sudden sound of gunfire. I managed to finally get the badger free, but not before Farmer McGregor appeared in front of me dressed in grimy overalls with a cigarette sticking out of his mouth and a gun pointed to my head. Even from my crouched position next to the badger I could tell that I was about a head taller than him, but he was much broader than me and had the muscles to easily take me down. Not to mention the gun.

"Look I-I don't want any trouble." I stammered trying to keep my voice from trembling.

"Then why the hell are you trespassing? This here is my farm, boy! You best get outta here before I blow your brains out." Farmer McGregor threatened.

I was in big trouble indeed. Tentatively, I cradled the injured badger. "S-Sorry. I'll be on my way."

"Where are you taking that badger? That belongs to me. I caught it in one of my traps, so now I'm gonna take it out before it spreads the cowonavirus to my entire herd of cattle. If you take it home with you as a pet it'll just run away and find itself back on my farm to infect my cattle. So I should just put the miserable thing out of its misery right now. Save us some trouble."

"NO!" I shouted not sure where the sudden serge of bravery came from. "First of all it's called bovine tuberculosis not the cowonavirus. And there's a vaccine for the cattle. You don't have to hurt the badgers. Please. He's just an innocent creature looking for food and a home. You have no right to kill him."

"Oohhh you're one of those dumb vegans. Trying to sell me some fancy vaccine that won't work just like that Clementine's Miracle Juice scam. There is no magic elixir. You've just gotta eliminate the problem. That being the badger. No use wasting all the time and money on vaccines. Just kill 'em all." Farmer McGregor ranted.

"It's not a scam. We've worked with farmers before. If you let me go back to my car I can go get a pamphlet that shows you how your farm can be tb free without having to kill any innocent badgers." I explained as calmly as I could. "Please just put down the gun and we can talk like civilized humans."

"See? That's what you vegans don't seem to understand. Humans are civilized. Animals are not. We're higher up on the food chain. So why should they matter when they were put here for us to eat 'em. I hate people like you who treat animals better than people." He exclaimed. 

"Animals aren't just put here on this earth for our benefit. You may not think they're worthy of our respect, but they're still living, breathing creatures with thoughts and feelings just like you and me." I insisted. 

Farmer McGregor scratched his beard in consideration. "Why don't you go get that pamphlet from your car?" He lowered his gun. Wait. Did I somehow get through to him? This seemed almost too good to be true. Could Farmer McGregor listen to reason? I better not mess up this opportunity to convince him not to harm my furry friends. 

"Thank you." I said. "You won't regret taking this time to listen to me." But as I turned my back to return to my car, I realized far too late that I had been bamboozled. With my back turned to the Farmer, he lunged at me plunging a syringe into my neck. Oh shit! 

"Don't worry. It's just a sedative. It won't kill you. I'm gonna teach you a lesson."

"W-What...did you do?" I slurred, slipping onto the ground. A dizzy spell overtook me and before I knew it I fell into a deep sleep. 

***

_"Brimi, darling, we're having a tea party! Join us!" Freddie sat at the head of a lavishly decorated table surrounded by cats. He was dressed like a king or should I say queen. With a smile so wide even his mustache seemed to curl upwards, he held up his teacup. "A toast to not giving a damn!"_

_"Not giving a damn? About what?" I questioned._

_"Do I need to spell it out you, dear?" He took a sip of the tea. "This is your subconscious. You should know what I'm talking about. You're regretting behaving so recklessly. You told no one you were going to visit a psychopathic farmer. Now you're knocked out and locked in a barn and no one knows that you're here and need help. I'd come to rescue you, but I'm not real. I'm nothing more than a hallucination. Who the hell knows what the real Freddie is up to. Probably having a tea party with his cats...or having sex with Jim. One or the other. Anyway, you really fucked up, darling. What is Roger going to do without you? You know he'll go blind if you die. Why would you do this to him? He's been nothing but an angel to you, the true love of your life, but now you've gone and thrown it all away."_

_"Am I dead?" I questioned._

_"No. You're just hallucinating. See you soon, dear. Maybe I'll bring Deaky next time..."_

***

"Brian? Brian, please wake up! You've gotta wake up!" Someone was shaking me awake, and it wasn't Roger. I groggily returned to reality finding that I was in a barren small hutlike room with a single window. A unique scratchy surface was below me. Was that....hay?

"Oh thank God! I thought that bastard had killed you! You really got me scared!" I looked up and met a pair of fearful dark eyes. It was Lynette! She looked absolutely terrible. Skinny as a twig and covered in grime and dirt, but thankfully still alive. 

"Where are we?" I groaned, still coming out of my fog from the sedative. 

"Master calls it The Barn. I don't know how long I've been here. Kinda lost track of time. It's probably only been a few days, maybe a week." She explained. 

"A few days?" I cried. "Lynette, you've been missing for _weeks_!"

"Weeks? No...no...that can't be right." Her chapped lips trembled. "It couldn't have been that long."

Light poured into the darkened room as the wooden door to the barn opened. Lynette cursed and got down on her hands and knees. I glanced down at her questioningly. "Just do it, Bri. Do it!" She hissed. Farmer McGregor entered, whistling a happy tune. He left the door wide open. Why didn't Lynette just run? Probably she wasn't in the best mental state, so I would have to come back for her and get help while I could. I took my chances and made a mad dash. "Brian no!" Lynette shouted. I was stopped at the threshold, a sudden jolting hot pain trickling in my neck. I realized that I was wearing a shock collar. Ouch!

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Farmer McGregor laughed, kicking me back into the barn. The shocks immediately subsided. "The door and window have sensors that trigger the shocker. It'll also be activated if you try to take it off, so don't bother."

"You're mad!" I screamed. "Why the hell are you doing this?"

"I told you. I wanna teach you a lesson. You think animals are so good, but it doesn't feel so good when you're treated like one."

"Fuck you! I would NEVER treat an animal like this. Shock collars are cruel and should be banned." I shouted. 

"You know what's great about humans is that they can communicate. Animals can't speak. So, if you have anything to say, you'll refer to me as Master, and I'll try and understand, but I likely won't be able to comprehend what you're saying 'cause you know animal don't speak."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I cried. 

"I hope this will show you that humans are indeed the superior species and you'll show more respect to your fellow man. Until then, enjoy your time as an animal. Don't forget to be on all fours the next time I arrive like your friend over there or else there will be trouble. Follow the rules, and you'll be fine." And just like that, Farm McGregor left locking the barn door behind him.

"I'm sorry you had to get caught up in this nightmare." Lynette exhaled. "Just do what he says. Trust me. It's bad to disobey." I noticed that she also had a shock collar around her neck and ugly wounds and burn marks surrounded the skin area it covered. "Eventually the police or someone will come and save us. They have to." Tears welled in her eyes as she tried to express what little hope she had. "Until then, you just have to keep yourself alive." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beth: This story will be very dark.
> 
> Also Beth: Cowonavirus Moo 🐄 
> 
> WASH YOUR HANDS and STAY HOME (if you can)!!!


	3. Easy Come Easy Go Will You Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian fights to keep himself alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you're writing a horror story in the middle of a horror story...
> 
> Yeah things are not going well for me, folks. Online school is proving more demanding than in-class school. Thankfully most of my profs are being super understanding for the most part with one exception but he's going through some things (unsure if it's coronavirus related but it might be) so I shouldn't take it personally. Anyway I had my first ever Zoom class today and guess what we found out: One of the students was zooming from Quarantine because she tested positive for coronavirus. Yay! And she was in class with us last Thursday with cough (Which she claimed at the time was not from the virus. Go figure). So that's 12 days since we've been in contact with her, and they say it takes 2-14 days to develop symptoms. Wonderful! They're currently not testing anyone asymptomatic so I could very well have the virus and not know it. In fact another girl from my class she was experiencing symptoms but wasn't able to get tested so she probably has it. Ever since I was informed that 6 kids from my school got the virus I've been voluntarily self isolating, but I don't think my peers have been doing the same. Dumb young people are dumb. PSA: Don't go partying on the beach in the middle of a pandemic.
> 
> Anyway, we interrupt this apocalypse movie to give you another scary movie about a psycho farmer...

_Brian's POV_

" _Welcome back, darling!" Freddie waved to me as I approached the table. "I brought my creampuff this time."_

_"Hi Brian." Deaky smiled. "Wanna play Scrabble with us?"_

_"I need help." I begged. "I'm being held hostage. Please call the police."_

_"Like the police will be of much use?" Deaky sighed. "They already investigated Farmer McMotherfucker and couldn't find Lynette."_

_"Such language!" Freddie gasped. "Who taught you that word? Was it Roger? I bet it was Roger. How dare that motherfucker teaching swear words to my precious baby."_

_I was getting nowhere with these two. Why weren't my brothers trying to help?_

_"This is a dream, Brian." Deaky said. "I'm sure Freddie and John_ _are worried about you. Right now you have to help yourself."_

_"Be strong for us, darling. You survived hepatitis and that was certainly no picnic in the park. You'll get through this lovie." Freddie blew me a kiss._

_"Wait!" I cried as the cats began to fade away and the place set of the table crumbled. "Please! You have to have help me!"_

_"We'll bring Rog next time. You'll be okay, Bri." Deaky vanished._

_"See you soon, darling." Freddie was the last to leave._

I shot up, knocking the hay and dirt out of my tangled curls. My back was sore from sleeping on such an uncomfortable surface. "Day 2 of hell." I sighed noticing the glimpse of the rising sun peaking through the window. My neck still throbbed from all the shocks I got last night from trying to bang on the window in a desperately attempt to escape. At one point, I felt like I was going to have a sheer heart attack. I didn't recall falling asleep, but exhaustion must have crept in. I was still recovering from that sedative and was feeling loopy without any food and water.

Roosters clucked outside. Lynette stirred. The moment her eyes opened she screamed and scrambled down into her position on all fours. I shuddered at how automatic that response was for her. It was like Farmer McGregor had "trained" her. I could tell from the way she trembled that Lynette was hanging on by a thread. She barely spoke to me and sometimes her eyes seemed to glaze like she was lost in another world.

"We're gonna be okay, Lynette. Somehow we'll get out of here." I said.

"Mmhmm. Any day now." Her voice quivered barely above a whisper.

Then the door to barn swung open and in walked our captor. Dare I stand up to him? With a shaky hand, Lynette tapped my leg trying to tell me to get down.

"Animals don't stand on their hind legs like that." Farmer McGregor shook his head. "What did I tell you? You gave up your human luxuries when you decided that you were no better than an animal. Now get down on your hands and knees!"

"Do it, Brian!" Lynette cried.

"Animals don't speak and must address me as Master!" He berated her.

"S-Sorry Master."

"No breakfast for either of you naughty animals. That's your punishment for misbehaving." Farmer McGregor declared.

"You'd likely be feeding us pig slop anyway." I combatted.

The shocker went off again and I realized that he had a control in his pocket. "Y-You won't...g-get away with this!" I grunted through the pain of the shock. How much could my body handle before shutting down?

"Learn your place here, vegan scum. This is my farm and you play by my rules. Act out again and your friend here will pay the price." Farmer McGregor gave Lynette a creepy smile before locking us in the barn again.

I fought the urge to cry as the shocks finally died down. "Why the hell is he doing this to us?"

"He's a messed up man who likes to be in control." Lynette whispered. "Oh Brian, I think I might just die in this bloody barn. My old life seems like a fading dream."

"Someone will save us. We've just got to hold on." I told her.

Lynette screamed when the bastard barged back into the barn. I hesitated but ultimately joined her on my hands and knees not wanting her to be punished because of my resistance.

"Listen up. I've got a problem." Farm McGregor exclaimed. "So with the girl I made the mistake of throwing her cellphone in the river. So when nobody heard from her the police showed up and poked around. Do you remember that, girl? I had to give you another sedative and bury you in mounds of hay so you were hidden."

"I-I nearly suffocated." Lynette blurted. "I mean yes, Master, I remember."

"We don't want that again, but our new curly friend has 390 messages from worried humans. Funny how humans express emotions unlike animals." Farmer McGregor seemed lost in thought for a moment. Then he snapped out of it. "Anyway, I need your thumb please and thank you." He grabbed my wrist forcing my finger to unlock my phone.

"Seems a person named Roger has been texting and calling nonstop. What should we tell him? Hmm... You vegans are dumb enough to go on nature retreats." The farmer began to formulate a text message. "I'm under pressure," he read as he wrote, "so I'm getting in touch with nature to destress. Spending time in the woods camping. Stop texting me. I'm disconnecting from technology."

Getting in touch with nature did sound like something I would do, but Roger would be smart enough to figure out the truth. Suddenly I got an idea. "Tell him I'll bring him back whatever marshmallows I don't eat. Roger loves marshmallows."

"And that makes it seem like you'll be back soon and he shouldn't worry. Good thinking! Then when you don't turn up everyone will assume you were eaten by a bear." He theorized not catch my plan. "Fun fact carnivorous animals eat vegans. You should keep that in mind that next time you turn down a steak."

"Why do you hate vegans so much?" I questioned.

"Animals don't speak. I can't understand you." Farmer McGregor responded.

Why question the motives of a mad man? Hopefully Roger would figure out that I needed help and fast.

***

_Roger's POV_

"And it's been a full day since any of you have heard from him?" The officer asked.

"Stop wasting our time. Of course we haven't heard from him. That's why we're here. Brian is missing! He's out there somewhere and you aren't doing anything to find him!" I shouted.

"Mr. Taylor, please, we're doing all we can. You need to cooperate with us." She took a bite from her sprinkled donut showing no emotion even though my entire world was falling apart right before my very eyes.

"You need to cooperate with us, darling!" Freddie cried. "Get up off your fat bottom and go find my brother!"

"Freddie, being rude won't accomplish anything!" Deaky exclaimed. "I'm sorry Officer. You have a lovely bottom by the way...I mean not fat...I mean I'm married and my wife is pregnant!...Just find Brian. Please!"

"We don't have much evidence to work with so we can't just—"

I screamed when I got a text from Brian. Oh man! I was going to kill him for putting me through hell like this. He better have the most brilliant excuse in the world because I was at rock bottom without him.

 **Brian** 👀😍 **:** _Im under pressure so I'm getting in touch with nature to destress. Spending time in the woods camping. Stop texting me. I'm disconnecting from technology_. _When Im back I'll give you all the marshmallows I didn't eat. I know how much you love them._

"Oh God!" I screamed. "Bri's been kidnapped! Someone else has his phone or he's writing in code or something."

"What?" Freddie cried. "How do you know that?"

"There's no -Bri at the end." John noticed.

"And marshmallows aren't vegan." I pointed out. "Brian would never eat them. And I know he loves nature and he's been under pressure because of the badger cull and Lynette going missing, but he wouldn't just run away into the woods like this. That's not like him at all. Freddie's more likely to do something daft like that."

"Darling, I wouldn't last one day in the woods and we all know it." Freddie protested. "That time Miami took us camping, I begged him to bring us back home after 30 minutes."

"Not to mention we were sleeping in tents set up in our own backyard." Deaky recalled. "That was fun when you went back to the house with him and it was just me and Bri camping beneath the stars. I sure as hell hope he's okay. Is there anything you can do, Officer?"

"Yes, yes please, dear! We're desperate. We can't lose our Brimi. We love him so much." Freddie begged.

I was growing more and more numb by the minute, not taking in anything the officer was saying. It was all a droning blur. All I could think about was Brian and how much I missed him. Where could he have gone? Why wasn't he here? I wanted to cry.

"...No, that'll take too long!" Deaky cried. "Roger, here, let me try something." He took my phone from me, and I didn't protest. Within a few minutes the genius had managed to figure out the location from which the last text message from Brian was sent.

"My brilliant creampuff, you did it! We found Brian! Quick not a time to lose! Let's go to that address!" Freddie exclaimed.

"Hang on, isn't that Farmer McGregor's address?" The officer observed. "He doesn't take kindly to trespassers. I'll get a warrant to have a detective go investigate. I suggest that you three stay here and let the professionals handle this. The police have a history with this man."

Oh no! Not Farm McGregor, the asshole Brian was looking up the other night. That man was cold hearted animal abuser. Now my sweet gentle Brimi was in his evil clutches. What if he had killed Lynette? And now Brian was next... I couldn't breathe. "Why the fuck haven't you arrested him yet?" I screamed, clenching my fists in rage and frustration. "Please! You have to do something! Brian is the kindest and purest soul in the world. All he wants to do is help animals in need and look out for those he loves. You can't let this son of a bitch hurt him. You just can't."

"Rog, it'll be okay." Deaky said. "We'll get him back."

"We'll send out a detective as soon as we can. But Farmer McGregor threatened to sue the police department for harassment the last time we looked into him and found nothing. That shouldn't be taken lightly. We don't need that bad press." The officer said nonchalantly. John held me back from smacking her. Hitting an officer was a bad idea, but I had officially lost my temper.

"Get that detective to the farm NOW!" Freddie declared. "Or else I will throw the worst fit you have ever seen! And believe me, nobody throws a fit like Freddie Mercury."

"He's right. It will get very ugly very fast." Deaky said. "Bottom line is you need to act now because a life is on the line. By the way I've just taken note of your badge number. 39. Interesting. I'll be sure to pass it onto our lawyer father if anything happens to our brother because of your negligence."

With that threat, the officer made a few phone calls and sent the detective on his way. "This will all be over soon." I exhaled trying to calm myself as Freddie and Deaky embraced me. I could tell their composures were slipping as well. What the hell would we do without Brian? Who would be the voice of reason in our chaotic group? Who would be the one who takes care of us and gives us good advice? Who would give us the best hugs that would make any trouble no matter how large seem so very small? Who would I turn to in the middle of the night when I woke up screaming from that god awful nightmare in which I went blind again...

"Oh shit!"

"What? Roger, what is it?" John cried.

"Are you alright, darling? You're pale as a white satin sash." Freddie proclaimed.

"I c-could lose it all." The stakes of this catastrophe now caught up with me and it was too horrifying to even consider. "If he dies, my world is over...b-but I m-might not be able to see anymore either."

"Oh, sweetheart, shush. It's just a dumb theory I had. We don't know for sure that you'll go blind again. You may just lose your ability to see color." Freddie cooed. "But don't you dare even think those nasty thoughts 'cause Brian is going to pull through. He won't die. You'll see. We'll find him. We have to."

"Please don't cry, Rog. Brian loves you so much and it would break his heart if he knew you were crying over him." John sniffled. "A-And seeing you cry...makes me wanna cry."

"We've got to be strong, lovies. For Brian we've got to stay positive." Freddie's voice cracked revealing that he too was trying not to fall apart. I wasn't sure how I felt right now. It was all too much for me. My head hurt. "I-I need to lie down." Before I could say anything else, I trembled and nearly fell over.

"You're having a panic attack, Roger!" John cried. "Someone get him some water or something!"

"Oh darling, here, sit down. Just breathe with me, dear. Breathe." Freddie sat me down and helped me through my breaths as John got me a drink. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to calm down. Not until Brian was back.

***

_Brian's POV_

"A single bucket of water?" I cried. "That's not enough for the both of us to share." No wonder Lynette looked so dirty if she was surviving off of a single bucket of water per day. My outcry earned me another shock. I wasn't sure how much more I could take of this.

A sound outside made me rush over to the window but not close enough to trigger the shock collar again. I gasped. There was a police car outside. Yes! This was it! The nightmare was over! We were going to be saved!

"Shush!" Farmer McGregor pointed his gun at us. "Not a sound out of either of you or I'll give you another sedative."

There was a knock on the barn door. "Mr. McGregor? Are you in there? I have a warrant to search this area!"

"WE'RE IN HERE! HELP!" I shouted.

"I said shut it!" Farmer McGregor clasped a hand over my mouth and stabbed my back with another syringe. The last thing I saw before passing out was the policeman bursting into the barn followed by a loud bang as Farmer McGregor shot him.

***

_"Somebody wants to see you, Bri." Unlike before, Freddie used his hand to cover his mouth when he smiled. He and Deaky stepped aside revealing Roger standing beside the table, playing with one of the cats. The blonde looked up at me and smiled his blue eyes twinkling with love. My heart swelled at the sweetest sight ever seen._

_"We'll leave you two alone." Deaky said, and he and Freddie disappeared._

_"Roger! Oh Roger!" Even if this was a dream or a hallucination, I didn't care. I ran to him and embraced him peppering him in kisses all over his face. "Roggie! My Roggie!"_

_"Bri, you have to fight. For me please, you need to fight. Your body isn't responding well to these sedatives and you're already so weak from what you've had to endure that past two days." He said._

_"It's alright. The police are here. I'll be with you again soon. I promise. As soon as I wake up, we'll be together." I vowed._

_"No, we won't. The evil farmer just killed that detective who was supposed to come to your rescue." Roger explained. "Who knows if more help will be on the way any time soon. If you're not careful, he might kill you too. You can't die. You can't leave me. I don't want to be alone in the dark."_

_"I know. I know. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I won't let that happen. I'll keep you safe. I won't let you down, love. We'll be uniting before we know it, baby. And I swear I'll never let you go again." I just clung to him, feeling him slowly slip away as I returned to consciousness. "Please don't go."_

_"It's time, Brian." Freddie reappeared. "See you soon, darling."_

***

I woke up to the sound of Lynette screaming. Lovely. The detective was lying dead on the barn floor with bloody bullet hole in his head. Oh my God! "You monster! Murderer! You're going to hell for this!" I screamed.

"If there's one thing I hate more than vegans it's the fucking cops." Farmer McGregor growled. "They are the worst."

"Yeah because they're here to keep us safe from people like you!" I cried.

"No, they aren't here to protect me. They never cared. They only showed up when my father conveniently dropped dead, not all those years when he was busy sticking his dick up my ass." Farmer McGregor grunted crassly. "They protected that damn rapist scum instead of me."

It made sense that Farmer McGregor was abused by his father. People don't become this twisted overnight. I wasn't sure if I wanted to take pity or not.

"Master, I'm so sorry that your father raped you, but you don't have to become an abuser yourself. You can choose a different path. You can get help." Lynette urged.

"She's right." I begged. "We can help you. You don't have to be like your father. He was a very bad man, but you can make the choice to do the right thing. If you let us go, we can find people who will help you. We'll make sure you're taken to a mental hospital and not a prison so you won't get hurt."

"You want to lock me up in some fucking psych ward? No way! I'm not mad! I'm not going to the insane asylum. I don't belong there." Farmer McGregor howled, his eyes bulging with hysteria. " _You_ belong there. You fucking vegan freak. You're just like my goddamn father. He loved the animals, always caring for them, treating them so kindly, but with me he didn't show that same love because he thought I was lesser than them. He beat me and raped me every single night. Well now it's my turn to take revenge! I want you to know what it's like to not feel human just like I did when he hurt me. He didn't give a damn about human life. It was always animals this, and animals that, putting the wellbeing of the farm above his own family who he abused. Now you waltz in here spouting the same nonsense about animal rights, not caring about me or your fellow humans at all! Well no more of that. I'm your master now. You got that, bitch? Here take some more sedative as punishment for daring to question me!" 

"NO! Don't--" It was too late. I was out again in a flash when yet again he stabbed me with the syringe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention there was going to be a happy ending? Yikes! This is rough. Sorry guys. More is coming soon. Stay safe everyone!


	4. Sheer Heart Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More help arrives to the farm, but it might be too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by the "not too far or you may drown" part of the Frozen 2 lullaby and what it implies. So it's the most intense chapter yet. Don't expect comfort, but it will come very soon.

_"Detective do you copy? Detective?"_ The walkietalkie from the dead man crackled _._ I could barely open my eyes or find the energy to get to it. Something was seriously wrong with me. My body was aching all the time. It had to be those sedatives. The world was spinning in and out.

"Please! M-My name is Lynette Jefferson...a-and M-Master... I mean um McGregor is holding us hostage a-and he just killed a police. Please! We don't have much time before Master returns from feeding the goats. You need to come! M-My friend isn't doing well. Hold on Brian! Send help please. C-Can anybody hear me?"

***

_"I'm never letting you go." I held Roger snugly to my chest. "Let's just stay here forever."_

_"You can't do that, Bri. You have to go back. I know you're weak but you can't give up." Roger begged._

_"I don't know if I have a choice, Rog. My body seems to be shutting down. This is worse than my run in with death from hepatitis. I think time has finally caught up with me." I sighed, finding comfort in the familiar scent of his tresses as I rested my chin atop his head._

_"It's those fucking sedatives. Lynette was smart enough to keep herself alive by obeying, but you keep getting punished with the sedatives. One or two won't kill you but I've bloody lost track of how many syringes you've taken in. That can't be good." Roger cried._

_"Let's not talk about what's happening to me. I'm at peace. You're here with me so it's alright." I murmured letting my eyelids slowly flutter shut._

_"I'm not here, remember? I'm not real. Brian, open your eyes! Please! Don't fall any deeper. You have to go back! The real Roger needs you."_

_I hummed contentedly giving way to the warmth as I rested. It felt so good to finally let go. At last I could break free..._

_***_

_Roger's POV_

"It's been too long." I paced up and down the halls of the police station crumpling my paper cup in my hands. There was no use refilling it with water. Drinking wouldn't help me. Only Brian would help me. What was taking so long to hear back from the detective? I was so scared that my chest was tightening and my heart was pounding out of my rib cage. If I didn't know any better I'd say I was having a sheer heart attack.

"Attention all units! Officer down! Hostage situation! Female and male in critical condition. Bring back up. Let's move!" I watched in horror as a team of armed police officers rushed into an ambulance and took off out into the distance. Could that have anything to do with Brian? Critical condition didn't sound good.

"Roger?" John smiled softly his eyes red and puffy from crying. "Here I brought you cheese on toast. You should eat something. We're all worried about Brian but we need to take care of ourselves too."

"Thanks, Deaks, but I don't have much an appetite right now—" I was given absolutely no warning. One moment I was looking down at the snack on the plate and a split second later, it was gone. Everything was gone. I felt the plate slip from my fingers and heard it clash onto the ground, but I saw nothing.

And that nothingness remained in front of me. It swirled behind me. It encompassed me from both sides. I was completely surrounded by the darkness. My vision was reduced to just a black void.

I'm not sure what I did in that moment because it was all so heartbreaking. Screaming, wailing, falling onto the invisible floor into a fetal position and pounding my fists down against the cold surface. None of this felt real. It was like one of those horrid nightmares, but I couldn't wake up. I wouldn't open my eyes and see Brian reassuring me that it was all a bad dream. Brian was gone. He'd never hold me again. He would never kiss me again. I'd never hear that melodious laughter or grace my eyes upon that sweet smile. That loss struck me deep into my core and hurt more than going blind again. I could live without vision. I did it for 22 years. But I couldn't go on without Brian. That was asking too much of me. I'd gladly give up sight for him in a heartbeat, but there was nothing in this world to me more valuable than my soulmate. Now he was permanently ripped from my side.

"ROGER!" I was aware of someone consoling me...No, there were two people. I reached out feeling frizzy hair. "John?"

"I'm here, Rog. I've got you." Deaky said.

On the other side I touched a sharp cheekbone. "Fred?"

"Don't worry, darling. You're safe with me." His posh voice rang in my ear.

"I-I can't see." I wailed not wanting to complete the thought. _I can't see so that means Brian must be dead._

Freddie and John just held me and I could hear them bawling as well. I wasn't sure how long we stayed huddled on the floor like that.

"W-What am I going to do?" I sighed overcome with insurmountable fear and grief. I could accept my loss of sight but I was still in denial about losing Brian.

"We're going to get our revenge." Freddie stated darkly.

_Brian's POV_

_"He's sunken too far, darlings. I'm afraid he's reached the point of no return." The voices of Freddie, John, and Roger were fading into the distance as I floated away on my journey to nowhere._

_"The sedatives poisoned him. If we bring him back now he'll be comatose. Who knows what functions he has left. He may end up as blind as Roger was." John said._

_"I don't care if he's gone blind I'm not letting him die. The real Roger will thank us." I felt Roger dive down deep into this thick milky sea and retrieve me from the depths._

_When I departed from the water, things looked different. Roger's eyes were no longer blue, but grey. His blonde hair was now a whitish color. Wait a minute..._

_"I can't see in color anymore." I gasped._

_"You'll be lucky if you see at all." Roger said. "Good luck out there, Brian. Make Roger happy, okay?"_

_"W-What's going on?" I tried to figure it all out._

_"We're going to help you, darling, but it won't be easy. The sedatives attacked your body. We don't know how permanent any of the damage is, but you'll live. So you'll be seeing the real Freddie soon, but hopefully you won't be seeing me anytime soon. Keep yourself alive, my dear." Freddie offered me one final wave and then I was on my way back to the living world..._

_***_   
_Roger's POV_

"I'm going to castrate that fucking farmer when I find him." I growled. "Can you drive any faster Deaky?"

I could only hear the sound of the sirens as the ambulance up ahead rushed to rescue Brian. I refused to acknowledge that it was too late.

"I'm going to gorge his eyes out so he has to deal with the consequences of what he's done to you." Freddie said.

"I'm going to kill him." Deaky announced and he sounded dead serious. So unlike the soft shy boy I knew. Fuck it! "I'm in. Let's kill him. He deserves to rot in hell." I declared.

Freddie gasped and Deaky went quiet as the car slowed down. "What?" I questioned. "What is it?"

"Brian's car is here. That bastard really did kidnap and kill him." John's voice was hoarse.

Out of nowhere a bright red flashing light illuminated the night. Was that real or just a figment of my imagination? I saw a vehicle dash by and recognized it as the ambulance. Freddie and Deaky's faces became visible along with the inside of the car. I could see out the window. Brian's car was indeed parked by the farmhouse.

"He's alive." I whispered taking in the restored world in disbelief. Then it clicked and I felt whole again. "Brian's gonna make it." I wiped the tears from my cheeks and stifled a laugh.

"You can see again?" Freddie squealed, smiling for the first time during this entire ordeal. Deaky cheered. "It's a bloody miracle!" Freddie proclaimed.

"Brian's alive!" Deaky applauded. "I knew it!" Freddie laughed, "I knew our poodle would pull through!"

"Now let's go rescue him and tell him never to get kidnapped again." Deaky exclaimed.

I couldn't wait to lay eyes on the love of my love and give him a deep kiss. I was relieved.

 _"Moo!"_ A random cow nearly collided with me as we got out of the car and made our way to the farmhouse. Grateful to have eyes that could see the creature I mooed back in its face and laughed. Brian was alive. Everything would be okay. I could breathe. The scary part was over.

The police dragged Farmer McGregor out of the farmhouse kicking and screaming as they read him his rights. Watching it was less satisfying than I thought it would be. So much for torturing and killing him. We would have to leave justice to the hands of the proper authorities. I spit in the farmer's direction as he ranted about vegans being the scum of the earth. " _Good riddance"_ I thought when he was stuffed into the back of the police car.

We blatantly walked past the team as they put up the yellow tape marking the area as an off limits crime scene.

The dingy farmhouse smelled like a zoo _._ " _Baaaa!"_ Animals that resembled scruffy ponies roamed freely.

"Hello, silly goat." Deaky greeted one of the creatures as it tried to take a bite out of Freddie's leather boot. "Do you know where Brian is?"

"I don't understand. Why would he keep all these hungry goats and sheep in here and not the barn?" Freddie wondered.

We soon got our answer when the paramedics exited the barn with two stretchers. "Fuck!" I rushed to the scene as fast as I could ignoring commands for me to stay back.

"Brian?"

He was laying on the stretcher, deadly still with an oxygen tank attached to his nose and mouth. "No!" I sobbed realizing that alive meant barely alive. I took his clammy hand as he was brought into the ambulance. I felt completely lost until a miracle occurred. Those pretty eyes blinked open. "Hazel." I cooed. Brian didn't respond, but I knew he'd be okay. I would be there for him no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brian is rescued but recovery won't be fun! Stay safe and stay tuned!


	5. My Love This Cannot Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Brian deal with the aftermath and moving forward to their temporary new normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's everyone quarantine going? Are we all staying safe? I saw a social media post earlier today of a large group of my peers having a gathering and getting drunk and being stupid in the park with the caption #coronaparty. That's not cool! Don't do that! Stay inside unless you need to go out for essentials like food/medicine or work (if you aren't working from home) and avoid gatherings of more than 10. If you have to exercise or need fresh air, go out into your backyard (or balcony),do yoga by yourself or in very small groups that stay 6 feet apart from each other, or go for a jog around your neighborhood (but again stay 6 feet apart from anyone else outside). Be smart and stay safe! Here's a new chapter.

_Brian's POV_

"Lad's lucky to be alive." A voice rang through the darkness as I struggled to open my eyes and regain consciousness. "If we didn't get the fluids in him through IV to flush out all that poison, he'd certainly be dead. I just hope there's no irreversible damage. How's the girl doing, doctor?"

Girl? What girl? Lynette! What happened? Was she okay? Did we get out alive? Where was Farmer McGregor? If I was on the brink of death, where did that leave Roger? When I nearly slipped away to that dreamlike river, did that cost him his sight? How selfish of me to do that to him.

"Lynette is in much better condition than Brian here." A second voice remarked. "Brave girl. Her scars are more psychological than physical. Aside from several bad wounds and extreme dehydration she'll be fine. She's giving her story to the police now. Apparently she recalls that bastard farmer giving Brian at least five shots of illegal horse tranquilizer within a very short period of time. I hope he rots in hell for what he did to these poor kids. No mercy."

"Well they're safe now, and we're doing all we can to save Brian, so that's good news I suppose."

"Brian's stable, but we don't know what condition he'll be in when he wakes up. Brain scans reveals damage the occipital lobe, so that would likely affect his vision. A simple eye surgery should fix that, but right now his body's too weak to go under more anestics and that kind of stress could send him into cardiac arrest kill him. I think his friend out there has waited in agony long enough. Let's tell him the news and bring him in."

I caught bits and pieces of the doctor explaining my condition to whoever was waiting for me outside. "...breathing on his own. ...heart and blood pressure are normal. ...damage to occipital lobe from the tranquilizers..." That didn't sound too bad. I'd live. Now if I could just regain my senses and get a baring as to what was going on I'd feel better. I tried to open my eyes, but moving in general was a struggle. The doctor didn't say anything about me being paralyzed. I'd just have blurry vision or something eye related. Once I rested up, I'd have whatever surgery necessary to fix it, and I'd be fine. I strained to listen some more, needing more details on what exactly was happening.

"...But that's just worse case scenario. Chances are his vision will restore itself on his own."

What was just worse case scenario? What was he talking about? Now I was becoming afraid to open my eyes even if I could. What if this was more serious than a minor vision disruption?

I sensed a presence who walked with heavy stomps walking toward my bed. A hand gently brushed back my curls and I realized I had regained the sensation of touch. I managed to shift slightly in response to show this person that I was semi-conscious. "Mmhm." I grunted trying to speak but failing miserably.

"It's alright, baby. Shh. You don't have to say anything. As long as you know I'm here." I was calmed by the distinct high raspy voice of my love. It took more effort than normal to curl my lips into a smile, but I tried my best.

"You really scared us, Brimi. Put me through hell. I really thought you were gone, and it was the worst experience in the world. I never ever want to go through that again." Roger said.

"S-S...Sorr-Sorry." I choked. Good. I was making quick progress with my motor skills. I felt Roger's hand against mine and managed to curl my fingers up against his. Yeah, I'd be playing guitar again soon enough. It was only a matter of time until I recovered fully. Now that I had that soft touch of my Roggie's hand in mine, nothing seemed very troubling. The hell I went through with Farmer McGregor was far from forgotten but it lingered less in the presence of Roger.

"It's alright." He squeezed my hand reassuringly. "I'm just glad you're here with me and you're okay...Well, you're alive. Listen, Bri, you need to know that whatever happens, I'll never ever leave you. We're in this together. I'm going to help you get through this. Who better than me, right? I know firsthand what it's like to be bl...You know what, let's just pray it's not that bad. The doctor wasn't too clear anyway. I shouldn't jump to worse case scenario."

"'Something wrong with my eyes?" I slurred.

"We won't know how bad the damage is till you open them. The doctor said there's a good chance it's temporary and as soon as your body recovers from what that fucker did to you and you gain your strength back, you can get a surgery to undo it." Roger explained although he sounded tentative. I didn't take his implications lightly.

"Y-you think I-I might be blind?" I was afraid to ask.

Roger was quiet but continued holding my hand. "We're gonna get through this, okay? It's not forever. A few weeks at most, but you could get your sight back naturally before then."

"W-Weeks?" I was expecting days. Although considering my shitty condition, weeks made sense. I would have to go through rehab and build up my strength.

"I won't sugarcoat it, Brian. It's gonna suck. You're going to need help with everyday tasks that you never even thought about before. You'll need to walk around with a cane or a guide dog to make sure you don't trip over invisible objects or uneven pavement. You're probably going to fall or bump into something or someone at least once a day or more. There are a lot of things you'll miss out on, and it'll hurt even more for you because you'll know what you could be experiencing. We're both gonna cry over it, but I promise that you'll...Fuck! I'm so so sorry, Brian. You don't deserve this. I'm sorry. I wish it was me instead of you."

"Well....w-we don't know yet." I stammered. My eyes remained tightly shut. I was so scared that if I dared to open them I wouldn't see those angelic blue eyes that I missed so much. "I-I won't see you...I think I'll miss that the most."

"It's temporary and I'm still here even though you can't see me. Here." Roger put a hand to my cheek. "My Mom used to do that if I got lost or if I didn't know she was there or if I got overwhelmed. She'd touch my cheek and say 'I'm here, baby boy.' It's dumb, but it really helped a lot."

"It's not dumb." I replied. "You needed the reassurance."

"I'll reassure you that I'm here as much as possible. I'll never leave your side until you get your eyes back. You'll never be alone, okay? I know it'll be scary, but you have my unconditional love, and I will take care of you."

Ahh, I didn't deserve my little angel. Roger was the true light at the end of this dark tunnel. Why was he so good to me? "Bless you, Roggie. I love you so much, you know that?"

"I love you too, and we're going to get through this. I know it's not even close to an optimal way to live, but it's livable. In fact um...W-When you went under...I um I lost my sight again for about 39 minutes." Roger's voice was raw as he relayed this information. I felt awful for doing that to him, but I couldn't have prevented it. I had to take better care of myself because I was he only thing that stood between Roger and his worst nightmare of going blind again. I couldn't believe that had happened and I wasn't there to comfort him. All because of that Farmer straight from the depths of hell.

"It was horrible...b-but...Going back to the darkness wasn't as terrifying as I thought it would be." Roger recounted. "What scared me more was losing you. I can live without vision, but I can't live with you. I'd gladly go blind again forever if it means that I'll never lose you. So, just remember that, okay? Going blind might seem like the worst thing in the world, but there are other things that could hurt more. No matter what happens we'll always be together, so just take comfort in that."

"You're here." I reminded myself trying to find that comfort I so desperately needed right now. So hesitantly, I blinked open my heavy eyelids. I was prepared to see nothing, but it still shocked me nonetheless. I stifled back a scream as I continued to blink waiting for something--anything to appear before me. It was just darkness. "No! This can't be happening!" I cried.

"Baby, shh. Shh. I promise we'll survive this. I'm here. I'm not leaving." I felt Roger's arms around me, but it wasn't as consoling as it normally was.

"I-I can't see!" I screamed. "Help me! I can't see!"

"I know. I know. Shh. You'll be okay. I've got you." Roger only hugged me tighter, rocking me, whispering into my ear, reminding me how much he loved me.

I kept my eyes shut for the remainder of the evening. It was just easier to come to terms with my newfound blindness that way. Was this how Roger lived his life before meeting me, pretending that he was a mere blink away from a lost world? How did he cope? All I knew was that for the time being I'd have to rely on Roger and find inspiration from his strength.

_***_

_Roger's POV_

If you had told me over a year ago that I'd be getting my vision back in 3 weeks or less, I would have screamed and cried tears of joy. Now the tables were flipped completely. Brian likely viewed this 3 week period as a never ending nightmare rather than a countdown to a dream come true. Thankfully, the doctors assured us that this was all temporary and if Brian didn't get his sight back they would be able to operate in the next 3 weeks. The surgery was a lot less complex than the failed ones I endured over the years, so the success rate was about 99%. I took this all as good news, but I never let go of Brian. He stayed in my firm embrace all night long.

"Don't worry, love, I'm here. You're not in this alone." I'd tell him repeatedly, but Brian wasn't responding to much. I guess I couldn't blame him for being numb. In many ways this was worse for him than it was for me. Going blind at age two is not as much of a shock as it is at age 27. Brian knew what the world looked like and was aware of everything he had lost whereas I could only dream. It should have been me. Why didn't this happen to me? I could have handled it better. The last thing I wanted was for Brian to suffer.

There was a soft knock on the door and Deaky walked into the room. At least it got a reaction from Brian who looked around, startled by the sound of John approaching. "W-Who's there? Rog, tell the nurse to leave if it's her. I want to be alone with you right now. I'm too tired to start rehab this morning." His voice sounded so defeated and it broke my heart.

"Shit!" Deaky rarely cursed but now was a time that warranted it. "So it's true? I was hoping it was an exaggeration. Oh Brian, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say."

"J-John? Is that you?" Brian sounded more hopeful. "I missed you, Deaks." He sighed. 

"Ahh, Brian. We missed you more. We were worried sick about you. What were you thinking paying a visit to that crazy farmer without telling anybody?" John ranted. "How are you feeling? I know that's a dumb question because you're in such a miserable situation. Did you at least sleep well last night?"

"I-I couldn't tell if I was awake or asleep, but Roger kept me company and held me the entire night. So that helped." He murmured. I knew that neither of us slept last night or at least I didn't. Brian's eyes were shut all night, but that didn't mean he was asleep. 

"So they're saying you should get your sight back in the next 3 weeks?" Deaky asked hopefully. "At least it's not forever."

"Sure seems like forever." Brian said glumly. 

"I'm going to help you. There are ways you can manage the world without sight." I took his hands. "You'll have to rely on these a lot more." I touched his ears. "And these as well."

"I can touch you all I want, Rog. It's not the same as seeing your pretty face, and I know you'd be lying if you tried to convince me otherwise." He sulked. I knew he was correct. "Seeing" the world through your other sense, primarily sound and touch was not the same. Knowing there was nothing I could do to make this better nearly killed me. "I wish I could do more, baby. I'm sorry." I rested my head against Brian's shoulder. 

"'s alright, Roggie." He yawned. "Maybe I should try to rest? See something in my dreams, you know."

"Well I'll be right here when you wake up." I assured him, kissing the top his head as he adjusted himself in the bed. "Here." I helped Brian pull up the sheets as he clumsily grasped for them with no success. "Better?" I asked, but tears of frustration welled up in his eyes at the inability to even adjust the bedsheets. I knew how humiliating that could feel, but I didn't regret helping him. Brian was still getting used to this, so he would have to give up his independence for a bit while I showed him the ropes.

"I-I should go." I glanced back at Deaky to see him observing us crestfallenly. "You're obviously not in the mood for good company, Bri. Sleep well, alright?" 

"Y-You're still here? Sorry...Can't see you." Brian slurred. "I'm gonna go to sleep. You can stay if you want. I don't know. Doesn't really make a difference 'cause I won't even know if you're there or not." Poor thing seemed to slipping into a depression and I felt so helpless and frighteningly aware of what he was going through. 

"I'm sorry." John repeated. "I love you, Bri. You know that. I hate seeing you like this. I can't even remember why I came here to begin with. This is all so heartbreaking."

"You came here to show your support." I reminded him. "And I'm sure Brimi appreciates it even if he can't see you. Fred's coming by later too. We all love you, Bri. Okay. Just remember that. We're going to take good care of you."

"Sure. Sure. I wanna sleep now. Too tired." He yawned.

"Wait!" Deaky blurted. "I remember! Of course I came here to make sure you were okay, but I also wanted to deliver the good news. You did it, Brian! I don't know if you heard, but the House of Commons voted an hour ago. Your badger bill passed! The cull is now officially illegal."

That got Brian smiling again. I congratulated him with a kiss. The sudden unseen contact made him flinch at first, but hesitantly he kissed back. Not all hope was lost...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now the Blind AU has completely flipped and it's Roger's turn to care for Brian. It's only temporary guys, so don't worry. But there will be lots of angst (as well as plenty of comfort), and it will strengthen their relationship while putting it to the test. Plus there's gonna be an upcoming trial. How will Brian and Lynette do facing Farmer McGregor again in a court? Stay tuned...


	6. I'm in Love with my Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian tries to adjust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I had a school related panic attack instead of a corona related panic attack so I guess that's progress! If you're curious what that's about it's 'cause I missed a due date. First time I've ever done that in my life. So I freaked the fuck out. I emailed my prof that it's been hard to stay organized now that everything's online and he was super understanding which is awesome. Meanwhile my other prof is not zoooming and not answering emails leaving me with no way to contact him and I'm super frustrated. We have a paper due (without a clear due date) on something we have to learn completely on our own because he thinks "online learning" means "no more teaching/lecturing/communicating with students" AAA!!
> 
> Anyway here's the next chapter:

_Roger's POV_

"Bri, you sleeping?" I gave him a gentle nudge, but didn't get a response. In between a snore he murmured something about the red special. I'd take that as a yes. I relaxed slightly and let my positive guise slip. Don't get me wrong, my unwavering commitment to Brian was very much real. Trying to stay calm and keep a relatively happy mood on the other hand was forced. Now that Brian was asleep I could cry freely and no longer hide my true emotions.Doing this in front of him would only bring him down further so I had to put on a happy face even if he couldn't see it.

"I'm gonna be brave for you, Brimi." I sniffled. "These next three weeks are gonna be the worst we've ever faced. And seeing you in pain hurts me more than you could ever imagine. But I promise I won't abandon you. We'll survive this together even though it'll be hell."

It was so easy to wallow in my own fears and sadness over what had happened and how unfair it was. Crying felt good though because penting up the emotions wasn't healthy. I slowly composed myself knowing eventually I'd have to go back to hiding my melancholy blues so Brian wouldn't slip further into a depression. It was my job to uplift him, so I had to get my shit together.

"I've been working on a song." I spoke aloud even though I knew Brian couldn't hear me. "I guess you could call it a love song. So I think hearing it will cheer us up. You know help take our mind off things. I'm gonna sing you this new song which I'm really excited about. Okay?"

Again, Brian remained sleeping, so I took the liberty to go ahead and sing. Only this song was a far cry from a lullaby. I was very, very proud of it and needed something to make me feel happy, at least for a few minute.

_"The machine of a dream, such a clean machine_

_With the pistons a pumpin', and the hubcaps all gleam..."_

I reached the second chorus when Freddie walked in with a giant bouquet of red roses. "Darling, that is the stupidest song I've ever heard! I'm in love with my car? Really?" He laughed. "Where should I place these, dear? I'm not sure they'll make a difference to Brian, but they should lighten up the room a bit."

I frowned. "What's wrong with it? It's about a car. You know. And a guy who's in love with it. I don't see the problem. I poured my heart and soul into that song."

"There's no problem with it. It's just not very good." Freddie stated. "And you certainly shouldn't be professing your love for a car when your boyfriend needs help. How's he doing? Deaky said it was really bad. I was afraid to see it for myself." Freddie set something else down on the table by the flowers.

"Is that Brian's phone?"

Freddie nodded. "They collected it as evidence, but I managed to get it back for him. I guess for the next 3 weeks you'll have to enable the voice activation otherwise I'm not sure how Brian will use it."

"I relied on a flip phone with braille buttons." I recalled what was about a year ago now seemed like ancient times. "Playing Candy Crush is out of the question."

"Ohh. I just got into Candy Crush since I started seeing colors after meeting Jim. It's soo addicting. It's just as bad as cocaine I tell you. That shit can ruin your life." Freddie remarked.

"Cocaine or Candy Crush?" I questioned.

"Both."

Brian jolted interrupting our mindless conversation. "No!" He grunted in his sleep. "L-Let me go!"

"I hope Miami means it when he says he's going to try and give that farmer from hell 50 to life." Freddie said.

"That's not enough." I conceded while comforting my poor baby trapped in a nightmare. "Shh. Shh. Brimi, it's okay." I cooed. "You're alright. It's just a bad dream. He can't hurt you anymore."

Those hazel eyes violently fluttered open. Brian screamed, no doubt unaccustomed to waking up in the dark. Freddie swore and then joined me in comforting his brother, taking Brian's other hand. "We're here, darling. You're safe."

"F-Freddie? You're here?...Where am I?" Brian slurred disoriented.

"Hospital." I replied. "You were having a nightmare, Brian, but you're safe now.You're here in a hospital bed with me and Fred. The doctors and nurses are taking good care of you. Okay? I'm going to spoil you until you finally feel better."

"Lucky, little poodle. I wish Roggie would spoil me." Freddie perked trying to make light of the situation.

"Freddie even brought us a bouquet of roses. Here. Let me show you." I plucked one of the flowers from the vase, carefully checking its stem for thorns before extending it into Brian's shaky grasp. "You're holding a rose, love." I told him when I was met with complete confusion.

"What color rose?"He asked.

"Red."

"Probably looks beautiful." Brian sighed dismally.

"It's the thought that counts, right?" Freddie shifted uncomfortably. "You know what? How about I sing you a song, dear? I bet you'd enjoy that. I'm working on writing an intro to my cowboy song that I've been working on for ages and ages. It goes a little something like this..."

_"Is this the real life?_

_Is this just fantasy?_

_Caught in a landslide,_

_No escape from reality._

_Open your eyes,_

_Look up to the skies and see..."_

"--You know now is maybe not a good time, Fred." I interrupted. "Bri doesn't need to hear about...Opening his eyes and seeing things."

"Well I doubt he wants to hear about his boyfriend fucking a car." Freddie scoffed.

"It's a metaphor!" I cried.

"Both of you be quiet please." Brian begged. "I just want to rest."

"Okay, honey. You can go back to sleep." I kissed his cheek. "I'll wake you up when the nurse comes with your breakfast."

"Wake me up when I can see." He huffed closing his eyes and eventually falling back asleep from what I could tell.

"My poor fallen angel." I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"This is a tragedy, Roger, but you're doing all that you can to help." Freddie assured me. "I think it's about time you focused on yourself. Have you slept at all?"

I shook my head. "You always tell me sleep is for the weak anyway."

"Well have you at least eaten anything since last night? Deaky said he tried to give you cheese on toast before we found Brian but you weren't hungry. That was about 14 hours ago. How about you go home and take care of yourself. Shower, get some food, and a change of clothes. I'll watch Brian while you're gone."

"No." I clung to Brian. "I'm not leaving him, Freddie. He needs me. If he wakes up and I'm not here he'll think I abandoned him. I can't leave his side."

"You aren't abandoning him. If he wakes up, I'll tell him that it was me who sent you away because you need some self care, darling. How can you look after Brian when you're neglecting your own needs? Go home. I promise you I can handle this situation. I am the big brother after all." Freddie dismissed me.

"I guess if I go home I can come back with Ringo. Brian could use a seeing eye dog and animals always cheer him up even if he can't see them. Do you think they'll let me bring a badger? Emotional support animals are a thing."

"I'd say bring a cat, but worry about yourself first." He suggested.

I hesitantly got up from the bed. How could I leave? What if Brian woke up and didn't know where he was again? I had to be here to assure him that he wasn't all alone in the dark. What kind of partner would I be otherwise?

"Just go, Roger. I promise we'll be okay." Freddie said. "I would never let anything happen to Brian. You have my word, darling. I swear on all nine of Delilah's lives, and you know I don't take that kind of promise lightly." He seemed so sincere. So reluctantly, I agreed. It wouldn't hurt to leave just for a little while so long as I came right back.

***

_Brian's POV_

"Brian? Lovie? I need you to wake up, darling. Just for a moment. Okay?" Someone was nudging me, but I refused to open my eyes and face my new reality. So far I hadn't had much luck with my dreams apart from a horrid nightmare about Farmer McGregor. Other than that my dreams were empty and blank, much like my new life. Then again I'd rather be asleep because at least I wasn't aware of the black void in my sleep. Freddie continued to poke me until I stirred. "I'm awake, Fred. What do you want?" I groaned.

"Oh good! You scared me for a moment when you didn't respond." I heard him exhale in relief. "So the nurse just brought your breakfast. I have it here for you. Waffles and fruit. Roger checked off vegan for you, so I don't think there's any milk or eggs in the waffles. If it tastes like crap then you know they didn't make a mistake."

The mention of Roger's name was the only thing that caught my attention. "Where's Rog?"

"I sent him home. Poor dear is a mess. He'll be back soon. I told him I'd take good care of you. So that means I have to make sure you eat. Both you and Roger are much too skinny. You need some meat on those flat bottoms of yours."

Now I really wanted to go back to sleep. There was no point if Roger wasn't here. Still, I attempted to sit up. "You said something about fruit?"

"That's my boy." I flinched when out of nowhere a hand patted my back. I knew Freddie meant well, but not anticipating his movements had me on the edge. Roger would probably be more understanding. My heart sped up when I heard footsteps. Oh good! "Roger, is that you?"

"No, it's me again." Deaky's voice announced. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, darling. You have every right to be your sweet self." Freddie said. "I'm sure Brian's delighted to have your company. I know I am. I always am."

"Thanks, Freddie." John stammered. "Are you doing any better, Bri?"

"Still can't see." I stated knowing the answer spoke for itself.

"You'll get through this." Deaky said. "I just wanted to check up on you and I have some good news. Lynette's been discharged. She's back home with her family."

At least I had some relief. I was concerned about Lynette's wellbeing. I doubted her journey was over. She would likely need years of therapy to get over what had happened to her. The coldhearted look in Farmer McGregor's eyes as he referred to her as an animal with such vehement was still ingrained in my mind. I doubt it would be leaving anytime soon. Of all the images to have conjured in my imagination before the darkness it had to be that. Why couldn't it be Roger's face, or a starry sky, or...

"Brimi?"

I couldn't even tell who was speaking or where the voice was coming from. "Hmm?"

"I know it's easy to get lost, darling, but we're here." Freddie said. "Try to stay with us. Please. We don't like it when you go to places where we can't reach."

"Sorry." I sighed.

"It's okay." Deaky said. "I would get caught up in my own mind too if I were in your position. I just can't imagine. I was never able to wrap my head around how Roger did it."

Roger had lived like this permanently, unaware that it would ever reach an end. He braved this darkness every single day. "He's amazing."

"Here's your fruit cup, dear." Freddie placed something cylinder shaped into my hands. I grasped it attempting to find its opening and items inside. "Careful, don't spill it!" John warned. I picked up an unknown item. "What is this?" I asked helplessly feeling like such a dolt. "That's a strawberry." Freddie said. "Don't worry, everything in that cup is edible. You can trust us. We would never ever poison you."

"I have no real way of knowing." I stated sardonically but when I took a bite of small object in between my fingers I recognized it by its taste: A juicy strawberry. I reached back into the cup, cursing when I couldn't grasp another fruit on the first or second try.

"Do you need help?" Deaky asked.

It was too humiliating to have one of my brothers feed me, so I persisted. Finally, I picked up another circular object, too small to be another strawberry. I tried to figure it out on my own and reached the conclusion that it was a blueberry. Only when I ate it, the flavor of a grape instead caught me off guard and I nearly choked. "I can't tell a grape from a blueberry, I'm hopeless!" I cried.

"No, darling, please don't say that. You're doing great. Better than any of us could ever do." Freddie insisted.

"Roger handled this with so much grace and even his talents translated. He can play instruments blindly." I said.

"Don't compare yourself to someone who spent 22 years this way. There's no correct way to cope with a tragedy like this. I'm sure Roger is proud with any effort you make." Deaky said.

"You're lucky to have someone like Roger." Freddie said. "He's so devoted to you and he's willing to help you through this chaos every step of the way. If you don't make solid wedding plans and marry him when this is blown over and everything's all by the way, then you are an idiot."

"We're still engaged, Freddie. That hasn't changed. We just haven't chosen a wedding date yet." I said. It would help if I could see Roger at the altar. No, our unannounced special day would have to be postponed until I got my eyes back.

Another set of footsteps, these louder and heavier made me lift my head toward that direction. Could these clumsy stomps be coming from Roger? I didn't want to give my hopes up. "Brian?" His voice sweet as honey was filled with concern. "Oh baby I'm sorry. I never should have let Freddie talk me into leaving. I'm here." I got confirmation when Roger cuddled up against me like a loyal kitten. Was his body always this soft and warm or was I just noticing it now? "Looks like you're eating. That's good. Melons are on the bottom of you're wondering. Also I brought a friend with me. Ringo, speak."

A dog barked beside the bed startling me because I hadn't seen him come in with Roger. "Good boy!" Roger applauded. "Shake paw." After he issued the command, Roger took my hand and lowered it to the side of the bed guiding it to Ringo's extended paw. "I remember the trainer did this with me when Ringo was a puppy and we were both still learning how to navigate the world." Roger recounted. "Dogs were so abstract to me. I don't know how to explain it. Without ever seeing or feeling a dog, you know them as these strange barking creatures that allegedly move on four legs. Then I got to touch Ringo and they made more sense to me."

"Good boy." I cooed letting my hand wander to pet his soft fur. Petting animals was such a calming activity. I understood how it could make a world of a difference for Roger who had no other way of getting to know these creatures.

"I still think cats are better." Freddie said. "But I'm glad to see you a bit happier, Brimi."

"Bringing Ringo was a great idea, Rog." I complimented as I continued to familiarize myself with his plush fur occasionally getting interrupted by a lick or two. "You're such a good boy!" I praised.

"Brian loves you so much, buddy. You're doing a great job!" Roger encouraged. "Bri, do you want to give him a treat?"

"He deserves one." I said. "Do you have any treats on hand or should I give him a piece of my waffle?"

"Here put out your palm so I can give you a dog biscuit to feed him." Roger talked me through what should be very basic. I felt like a small child being tasked under parental supervision to feed the family pet for the first time when in reality, I worked with animals all the time. Why was taking the treat and lowering out my hand for Ringo suddenly a momentous occasion? I didn't question it because the answer would only lead me to wallow in my new found vulnerabilities.

"I need to wash my hands." I announced after Ringo licked away any residue of biscuit.

"Do you wanna call the nurse to bring you a bucket with soap and water, or should we help you get to the bathroom? It's up to you." John offered.

The bucket sounded easier, but I was going to have to get up eventually. "Can you help me up?" I wasn't sure who I was asking.

Two people (I assumed Freddie and Deaky) helped me reposition to the edge of the bed. Then Roger took my hands. "Your feet are touching the floor. I know it might be disorienting, but we'll stand up on 3, okay? 1,2..3!"   
I was up now standing before the darkness still at its mercy.

"I'm gonna let go of your left hand to give you Ringo's leash." Roger announced. He didn't let go of my right hand. "Good. Now walk with us. Just trust that we'll guide you and not let you bump into anything. If Ringo stops short it means there's an obstacle he wants you to avoid."

It was so strange having each step be uncertain. I had no clue where we were going. My only reassurance was Roger's hand in mine as we walked. "Careful!" I nearly stumbled as Ringo came to a sudden halt alongside Roger. "Doors are tricky. You've gotta feel around until you find the knob. I'll open it for you for now." I heard the creek of door opened. When Ringo ventured forward I knew it was safe.

"So this is how you traveled everywhere? Not knowing where each step would take you?" I found it hard to believe that Roger could live like this for so long.

"You don't think about it too much unless you're at a new place. At home and school I knew where everything was for the most part." Roger replied. "So here we are. The sink. Faucet is 12 o'clock. Soap is 1 o'clock. Towels are 3 o'clock. Got all that?"

"Umm.." I was familiar with the clock system of course but when I saw nothing in front of me it was so difficult to conceptualize.

"It's alright, sweetheart. I'm here to help." Roger reassured. "Let me turn on the faucet. I think the sound of running water should guide you well."

"You're being so patient." I observed.

"Because you're always patient with me, and I know how frustrating all of this can be. I want to make this as easy as possible for you. I promise it'll get slightly easier in time, but by then you'll have your sight back." Roger gave my hand another firm squeeze before letting go, but I didn't panic because I could still feel his body heat.

I heard the sound of rushing water and it did help. I put my hands beneath the tap and wet them. "Where did you say the soap was again?"

"Don't worry about it. I've got it." Roger placed the slippery substance into my wet hands. When I was finished, Roger gave me the towel to dry my hands. Walking back to my bed was the same ordeal it had been the first time and I felt exhausted.

"How long did all that take?" I asked.

"About 20 minutes." Deaky replied.

"That's almost enough time to get married and divorced." Freddie chuckled.

I shook my head feeling so utterly useless. What should take only 2 minutes now took 20 and I hardly did any of it on my own. Roger seemed to read my mind. "It's alright. No one's judging you. I think you're doing incredible under the circumstances."

"It takes me 2 hours every morning to make myself look presentable. That's why I'm always late. I drive Jim mad." Freddie said. "Besides, no one likes someone who finishes too fast. Slow and steady wins the race. If you go too quickly you might misfire and nobody wants that."

"Wait...are you giving sex advice?" Deaky blurted. 

"Well I'm sure Freddie knows a thing or two about misfiring." Roger joked. 

This conversation was taking an uncomfortable turn. As long as our love life wasn't discussed, but knowing Roger and Freddie, nothing was off limits. 

"Bullshit! I'm a fantastic lover. Much better than you, Mr. Car Fucker." Freddie cried. "That Toyota parked outside has some disparaging things to say about your bedroom skills."

"Don't be gross, Fred. It's a metaphor." Roger insisted. "And I would never fuck a Toyota. I'm more of a Porsche and Lamborghini kind of guy."

"Roger! Don't hurt the Toyota's feelings." John exclaimed. 

"It's a metaphor!" Roger cried again. 

"Metaphor for what?" I was afraid to ask. 

"My beyond perfect fiancé who runs like a Ferrari all night long."

I tried to sink my face into the sheets in sheer embarrassment. "You did not just say that!" I shrieked. Roger pulled the sheets back down away from my head and showered my blushing face in kisses which I wouldn't be able to dodge even if I wanted to. "I did say it, and I meant every word."

"Maybe we should give them some privacy." John said. 

"If you need anything let us know." Freddie said on his way out. "And don't stop being so adorable." 

"Are we alone?" I asked after a few minutes as Roger tangled himself up in the sheets and my arms. Or maybe he wasn't tangled and it was just too difficult to tell where our bodies and the bed started and ended. 

"Yeah. They left." Roger surprised me by springing up and giving me an unforeseen but not unwanted kiss. "What can I do to make you feel better, baby?"

"I won't be able to do much with you." I sighed, trying to figure out what I was touching. "That's your arm, right?"

"Mhmm. Don't worry about me. I just wanna pleasure you. So just relax and I'll be in the drivers' seat. I know you'll repay me when you're feeling up to it, but right now it's all about making you feel good." Roger said. 

"I love you." Those were the lost coherent words to leave my mouth before I was driven gaga by Roger's touch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: Wash your hands!


	7. The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger looks to his past to help Brian. Brian is still struggling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're back in the Dark Verse now. Like I said, my brain seems to be rotating between ideas but always spins back to the Blind AU one way or another. That sucks for Misfits fans I know, but it's hard for me to focus with everything that's been happening so when I do get these sporadic moments of inspiration, I've gotta jump on them. One day I'll return to Misfits and my other stories but for now my brain is screaming at me with a million ideas for the Blind AU and a possible series of one-shots about Queen being literal smol beans, but more on that later. Also check out the underrated track The Dark by Brian May. It's like a dystopian version of We Will Rock You and it's awesome and makes for a fitting title for this chapter! Prepare yourself for some major angst!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:
> 
> We know this book explores dark themes but this chapter discusses suicide. Stay safe.

_Brian's POV_

_Farmer McGregor loomed over me with a crazed look in his eye. This was it, he was going to kill me. My dear sweet Roger would spend the rest of his life in the dark because of me..._

For a moment I thought I truly had died, but then I remembered that my eyes weren't working. Waking up was always the worst.It was that moment between sleep and consciousness when I wasn't aware that this darkness wasn't going away. It took me a few minutes to reassure myself I was no longer in a nightmare. Although it was difficult to differentiate my new reality from some horrible dream. I didn't want Roger to see me cry and worry himself over me, so I tried my best to remain quiet and pretend I was still asleep.Hopefully, I didn't wake him.

"Roger?" I whispered. No response. I turned to my side to nudge him, but I didn't feel that familiar warm body. In a panic, my hands grasped the mattress searching theempty sheets. "Roger?"

"I'm here! I'm here!" His voice sounded so far away but it was reassuring nonetheless. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry. I'm right here." I flinched when Roger touched my face, not expecting him to reach me so quickly. He must have run.

"W-Where were you?"I asked, blindly reaching for his hand for comfort.

"I was making you breakfast." He announced.

That never went well, but perhaps Roger had learned from his cooking failures of the past. I wanted to be nice but the circumstances left me in a sour mood. "You shouldn't have bothered. McGregor already managed to poison me."

"Listen, Bri, I know this is hard, but I'm trying to make an effort.The least you can do is accept my help. There is absolutely no way I fucked this up like I would with pancakes or something hard to make. It's just your nondairy yogurt withsome agave.Simple, easy, and of course vegan."

Roger naming items that I'd typically find stocked in our fridge made this situation seem more real. I thought I'd feel better leaving the hospital and coming home, but this place wasn't my home. It was just an endless sea of darkness that I couldn't escape. Everything looked the same so I might as well still be in the hospital.

"Oh honey, things are going to get better. Please don't cry." Roger sighed putting his arms around me. I didn't want him to have to see me like this and get upset himself, but I couldn't keep my sadness bottled up any longer. "It's alright. I've got you. We're gonna be okay. I'm going to take care of you, Brimi. You don't have to worry. I'm not leaving."

As Roger rested his head on my shoulder, I felt safe. There was so much security granted in his touch that I never realized I needed. "I love you." I sighed.

"And I love you." I felt that hand return to my cheek. Roger shifted, but from his body heat I could tell he was directly in front of me and soon I discovered that he had crawled right into my lap. "No matter what I'll always love you, Brian. Okay? You're gonna get through this because you have me here. Now the doctors said you should try your best to carry on as you normally would for the next three weeks, so let's try to make that happen."

"Easier said than done." I murmured.

"But it's not impossible. I'm here to help. Your breakfast is waiting for you in the kitchen. Let's start with that."

I shook my head. "The kitchen is downstairs." The journey upstairs was so treacherous I swore I'd just reside in the bedroom for the next three weeks. Again it didn't make a difference. Change in scenery meant nothing to me.

"You can use your cane and Ringo is also a big help." Roger encouraged. "I'll be here to guide you too."

"I almost fell last time. I don't need anymore injuries. I've already been through enough." I shuddered trying to repress those haunting memories of the barn. "The sooner my body is rested and back in shape, the sooner I can get the surgery and put an end to this madness. So if you really want to help me, you can bring my breakfast to me."

"Don't be spoiled. I'm at your beck and call, but that doesn't make me your slave. Resting is important but you need to build up your strength and energy too. If you stay in bed all day long you'll drive yourself crazy. Doing things and trying to find some sense of normality will help you mentally just as much as it will physically. So if you can trust that I won't let you fall or get hurt, then you can make an effort to move forward and soon this will all be behind us." He lectured.

"This will never be normal, Roger!" I cried. "Maybe to you, but not me. I can't fucking live like this and I don't know how you expect me to carry on."

"Don't talk like that! We're going to get through this." I appreciated what Roger was doing but I hated when he made it about "us". In the end I was the one stuck in the dark, not him. "I know exactly what you're going through," Roger went on, "and I--"

"--No, you don't Rog." I lost my patience. "How can you say that when you know it isn't true? This...this blindness was natural for you. You never thought about it because you didn't know the light and it was all you were familiar with."

"You really think that?" I heard the hurt in his voice and knew I messed up. "God, you seriously believe that I never gave it a second thought or even considered how my life could have been any different until you turned up on your high horse and kissed all my problems away. Get over yourself! Newsflash, Bri, I may not have known any differently, but that didn't make my struggle any less real. For as long as I could remember, I knew the way I lived was not normal nor natural in any sense and it was a nonstop hell. If anyone can understand the position you're in it's me. More so than any of those self-righteous doctors with 20-20 vision telling you that they're doing all that they can when they have no clue what it's like to function in complete darkness. So you can either accept my help or just lie here and wallow in self pity. It's up to you."

"Roger, I--" My attempt at some sort of an apology was cut short by the sound of a phone receiving a message. Roger swore leaving me with more questions than answers. "What's going on?" I asked.

"I um...Alright, I won't try to hide this information from you because you have the right to know. McGregor was let out on bail."

"WHAT?" I shrieked. I should have expected that as bail was common and Farmer McGregor seemed wealthy enough to afford it. Still, the thought of him being out and about again was terrifying. What was to stop him from coming after me and Lynette again?

"If he comes anywhere near you, I'll fuck him up and make him wish he was never born at all." Roger threatened.

"I'm gonna have to face him again in a trial aren't I?" I realized feeling numb at the thought of seeing my tormentor again. Maybe that was one upside to this tragedy. I wouldn't have to see his face.

"It won't be for a while." Roger's voice was softer. "You'll hopefully had healed by then and have your eyes back." Shit! So much for not seeing him. At least maybe in time the nightmares would stop and I could actually see something pleasant in my sleep.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you, love." Roger whispered. He took my clenched hand in his and gave my knuckles a soft kiss. "If you just want to stay in bed that's alright. And you're right. It's different. The closest thing I've experienced to what you're going through was those horrible moments when you flatlined and I thought you were dead. Going back to the darkness is so much worse than not knowing the light. I just don't want you to feel so hopeless because when you're down that path it can lead to very bad things. Promise me you won't hurt yourself, Brimi." 

"How can I promise that? You said yourself I'm going to fall at least once during this mess. The stairs present a real danger." I pointed out. When Roger didn't say anything I realized he wasn't talking about that kind of injury. He meant something purposeful.

"Ending it all would be selfish because then you'd be left alone in the dark." I said. "I don't want to harm myself at the moment. Not when I know how much it'll hurt you."

"You're loved, Brian." Roger resumed his position snuggled against me. "Not just by me, but by Freddie and Deaky and Miami and Ronnie. Everyone. We all love you. So please think of us if you ever get those ugly urges, okay?"

"Okay. I promise." I assured him. I managed to kiss something, but I wasn't sure what it was. Roger giggled. "That's my shoulder, honey." He responded by playfully kissing my shoulder in returned, then my elbow, and soon he was just kissing me in random spots on my body to make me feel better. A kiss to the forehead, a kiss to the ear, a kiss to the knee, a kiss to the tummy, a kiss to the nose... "Roger stop!" I laughed.

"There's that beautiful smile again. One more kiss, okay?" I winced when Roger kissed my neck, not realizing that it was still tender from the wounds of the shock collar. "Fuck!" Roger recoiled. "I forgot. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Does it look bad?" I asked acknowledging that I hadn't seen how bruised my body was after my encounter with McGregor. I couldn't help but notice Roger's hesitation. "You're always beautiful in my eyes."

"So it's bad?" I presumed.

"It'll heal." Roger said slowly. "I'm just happy you're alive." I heard the crack in his voice and when I reached out, I brushed away a moisture from what felt like his face. "Aww, don't cry." I pulled him close as best I could.

"I really thought you were a goner, Brian. I never want to live my life without you. You're my everything." He sniffled. "And it's so much more than just having sight because of you."

"Well I'm here." I assured him. "And you give me the will to carry on. When we get through this, I'm going to marry you, and we're going live a long happy and healthy life together. We just have to survive these next three weeks and however long after that it takes to reach justice."

"Thanks, Bri." Roger cooed and I let him cuddle with me in silence, just breathing in his scent and the warmth of his body. As loud and boisterous as Roger could get, he had this odd calming presence about him. "We're gonna be okay." I whispered. I felt Roger's chest rising and falling as he peacefully breathed and then a snore. He had fallen asleep again, and eventually I cried myself back to sleep as well.

_Roger's POV_

"Now if I can remember correctly, this was your idea." I decided to give Brian credit for his brilliance as I placed the towel down. "There, we go. Now it won't get as slippery."

"You're still going in with me, right?" Brian sounded so scared, and I guess I couldn't blame him. Usually I enjoyed showering with my boyfriend, but this time was a bit different. "Of course. I'll be by your side the entire time." I vowed.

I took his hand. "Step up, babe. I promise you won't trip. You just need to step into the tub, alright. It's right in front of you."

Brian was hesitant, but followed my lead. It felt good to have him trust me so fully, and I would rather die than ever let him down. "Just one step at time, right?" I encouraged.

"I wish I could see you." Brian sighed. His eyes just sadly glazed over my figure, clearly not taking the image in properly.

"I'm here." That was my trick, the constant reminder as opposed to reinforcing what he lost, letting know what he had left. I knew from it experience, linger in what could be was never a good idea. "You can't see me, but I'm right here. Okay. I'm always here."

I forgot to give Brian a warning before I turned on the water. So he screamed in shock. Thankfully, it didn't come out too cold at first. "Shit! Sorry. I should've told you that I was turning it on. It'll get warmer soon enough."

"I know. I just...God, how did you do it, Rog? You can't see anything coming. Makes you feel so..." Brian struggled to find the word.

"...Powerless?" I guessed and he nodded. "Believe me, I've been there. You just need to accept that some things are out of your control. But you're lucky you have me here. I had Clare act as my eyes a lot, and let me tell you a support system really helps. They tried to teach us skills to become more independent in school, but they didn't translate well out of that controlled environment. I guess that's why John and I became such good friends. He knew when to help and when to leave me be so I could feel like an able bodied person for once." I reflected for a moment, but then I remembered that this wasn't about me. The best thing I could do was learn from my experiences to help Brian. "You're not at that stage I was at when I met Deaky, unfortunately. So I'm gonna have to do a lot of things for you." I spoke as I lathered his mangled curls in shampoo for him. "But it's all temporary."

"That's shampoo, not conditioner?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, believe me I've learned." I chuckled inspecting the bottle just to ensure I didn't make the same stupid mistake I had in the past. "Remember the first time I saw water?" I laughed.

'" _So this is a shower?" I asked, not as interested in the small space as I was at staring at my naked boyfriend._

_"So if you wanna get the water, you have to turn this knob like this." Brian instructed, but my eyes were on a different knob._

_Then the water came down unexpectedly and I screamed. "It's alright, honey. It's only water." He laughed. My attention shifted to the shower head above us raining down the little droplets. The individual bits of water forming streams always confused me, but seeing it made it more clear. "Wow! Is this what it looks like when it rains? 'Cept it comes from the sky?"_

_"It comes from rainclouds actually, not the sky, but yes." Brian explained._

_"There were these floating things in the sky when we were watching the sunset. They looked...fluffy I think. Were they clouds?" I inquired._

_"Yes. Those were clouds." Brian was smiling widely. "What?" I asked._

_"Nothing. You're just so adorable. It's hard to handle how cute you are."_

_As long as my bothersome curiosity wasn't grating to him. Maybe I should try to take more charge before Brian got annoyed with me. I reached for the bottle on the shelf (making a mental note of how I was able to identify bottles and shelves; good for me I was learning). When I poured the shampoo all over my hair hair I frowned when I wasn't getting the same sudsy consistency._

_"Roger, that's conditioner." Brian picked up a second bottle . "This is shampoo."_

_"Aw man." I groaned._

_"It's alright." He assured me and began with the real shampoo. I didn't have time to feel embarrassed by my error because the jelly substance began to change, it got foamy and some of it even started to float in these strange clear balls. I screamed as one landed on my nose, but then...it popped, dissipating into nothingness._

_"Ahhh, baby, did you just discover a bubble? That's so precious!" Brian cupped a handful of suds and blew on it making more bubbles disperse. I giggled in wonder.'_

A bubble floated by us, but I paid no attention to it. I had to ensure that Brian was comfortable and felt safe as I helped to get him squeaky clean. Those days of giggly showers full of fun and snuggles seemed like a memory as temporary as a fragile little soap bubble.

***

"I used to think that sound had a sight." I reminisced as Brian blindly fumbled with his red special with extreme concentration and frustration.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I thought that when you made a sound or played music, you'd be able to see it in addition to hearing it. When I first jammed out with Deaky, I asked him what music looked like. He told me you couldn't see sound and I wasn't missing out on anything. I was happy that I wasn't missing out, but I was kinda disappointed too. You know?"

"Are you trying to make me feel better?" Brian saw through my story.

"Maybe." I admitted. "Point is music still works effectively in the dark. You've got the muscle memory. I've seen you play where you look directly at me and not down at your fingers, so I know you can do it. Just don't overthink it, okay?"

"I don't know." Brian stopped strumming. "Are you sure this is the same coin I always use? It feels...off."

"Everything is the same. The only difference is in your head. I know you're capable, Brian. No one plays guitar better than you. You just have to get the feeling back. Then it'll become easy again." I said.

"Maybe I should take a break for now." With a deflated look, he put the red special down. I didn't know what to do to cheer up my crestfallen baby. This wasn't fair. I just wanted him to be happy. What could I do to make it better? Nothing seemed to be working.

"What was that?" Brian responded to the sound of someone knocking at the door. "Apparently we have a visitor. Stay here. I'll be right back." I replied.

I wasn't sure who could be visiting us, and Brian likely didn't want anyone to see him in this state. Freddie promised to stop by later with a vegan dinner cooked by Joe, but it was too early for his arrival. Perhaps it was Deaky. I gasped when I opened the door revealing my mother which was certainly unexpected.

"Hi Roggie." She gave me a hug. "How's my poor baby doing?"

"I-I'm fine." I was caught off guard by her visit.

"No, not you, sweetheart although I'm glad to hear that you're doing alright. I was talking about my other baby. How's Brian? Here, I brought you some of my homemade carrot juice. You remember that?"

I wrinkled my nose. I never liked that junk, but forced myself to drink it throughout my childhood in the hopes of it helping my eyes. Brian would probably like it though. "Um, thanks Mom."

"Roger, I believe I've raised you better than this. Don't just stand there. Be a gentleman and invite your mother in." She urged.

"Mom, I don't think Brian is in the mood for--"

"--Roger, who's at the door?"

"Brian, it's Winifred!" She called. "I brought you carrot juice."

Just like that Mom welcomed herself into our flat and joined Brian in the living room. "Oh honey, you need a shave." She told Brian.

"I do?" Brian touched his face curiously. "I haven't paid much attention."

"I don't think it's a good idea to give him a razor." I said, hoping Mom would understand what I was trying to tell her.

"Don't be ridiculous, dear. It can't be that hard to shave blindly if you managed to do it for all those years." She dismissed. "There's no need to go around looking all scruffy."

"Well I happen to think he looks sexy and not scruffy." I couldn't believe I said that out loud to my mother no less.

She shook her head. "When are you boys going to cut your hair? You're not teenagers anymore you know. John even has a child on the way."

"This hair stays with me till the day I die." Brian said.

"Whatever you say, but William and I both agree that the shorter hair looks amazing on Freddie. You three should really follow his lead." She rambled.

"I don't feel the need for a change right now. Besides I think our hair is the least of our concerns." I said. "As you can see we're dealing with bigger things at the moment."

"And that's why I'm here. How can I help, boys?"

"Roger's been doing an excellent job so far, Winifred. As best he can considering the circumstances. It's not easy to say the least."

"Really?" Mom sounded surprised. "Good for you, Roggie. I'm very proud to hear that."

"Did you expect me to just let Brian waste away? Of course I'm doing all I can to care for him just like he'd do the same for me." I insisted.

"That's wonderful." She didn't seem completely convinced that I was capable. That didn't matter though. Proving myself to her was not a priority. Brian remained my number 1 concern. So in that way I was glad Mom showed up. Maybe Brian could use some good company besides me.

"So I take it that bastard who did this to you is behind bars where he belongs?" She asked.

I gritted my teeth at the thought of that motherfucker out on bail. Brian went pale at the mention of McGregor. "He's out on bail but he'll be sent back to jail if he comes within 39 feet of Brian or Lynette." I explained when Brian didn't say a word.

"Brian, your father's an attorney. He can probably help." Mom said. It was subtle, but I caught her bitter tone when it came to Miami who had helped me get my rights back as a competent adult in court last month. I ignored it.

"Miami has already teamed up with the prosecution to help build a case. He's been so busy making sure that McGregor gets what he deserves that he hasn't been able to check in on me, but that's alright. Fred and John have been around and I don't know where I'd be without Roger always by my side." Brian's hazel eyes fluttered in my direction, not quite meeting me, but I got the message. Not caring that my mother was watching, I joined him on the couch to assure him through touch that he wasn't alone.

"I see." Mom murmured. "Um, Roggie, do you mind if we speak privately for a moment?"

"Yes I do mind Mom. I'm not going to leave Brian alone right now. I don't think you realize how scary it is to not know where your loved ones are at any given moment." I said sharply. That was probably uncalled for. After all, it was Mom's technique to put her hand on my cheek and whisper "I'm here, baby boy" to reassure me that I wasn't lost. Whatever. Mom deserved to be called out if she wanted to take me away from Brian even if it was just for a quick conversation.

"Rog, it's fine. I know you'll just be in the other room. I'll call you if I need something." Brian said slowly untangling his arms from around me.

"If you're sure." I doubled checked.

"Don't let me be a bother." He said.

"You're never a bother. I promise we'll only be a few minutes." I gave him a quick kiss before getting up, glaring at Mom. One thing I learned from gaining sight: a look of animosity can go a long way. Deaky particularly took this to heart at times. I knew he was sassy before, but his facial expressions brought it to the next level when he wasn't saying a word.

"Okay, what do you want, Mom?" I asked bluntly once we were in the other room.

"Roggie, I don't know who you're fooling, but this isn't going to work. You need help. You can't do this all on your own. How do you expect to care for Brian when you can barely take care of yourself?"

"I do have help. Freddie and Deaky are here for me." I reminded her. "And I'm sure your carrot juice will go a long way." I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. Despite my anger at Mom's accusations, I knew she meant well. "Believe me, Mom, I've got this under control."

Then I heard a loud crash. "Fuck!" I rushed to the source of the sound on the way noticing that Brian was missing from the couch. "Brimi!" I called.

I found him collapsed by his exercise bicycle. "I-I fell." He grunted, slowly stumbling to his feet. I nearly knocked him back down again with the force of my hug. "Don't scare me like that!" I cried. "Who told you to get on your bike on ride? I thought you were going to wait for me in the living room."

"I thought I could...Oh never mind. You're right. I-I'm sorry, Roggie." Shit! If I wasn't on the verge of tears before, I certainly was now. "It's alright, love. I'm just glad you're okay. Let's get you back to the couch, and you can sip some of Mom's carrot juice."

Mom was watching us with concern as I guided Brian back to the couch. The fall didn't appear to leave any marks and seemed to have hurt him more emotionally than physically. While I didn't want to see my baby in pain, visible scars were so much easier to handle than the mental ones.

"I've got you." I assured him, humming a soft tune in his ear as I did everything I could to ensure he felt loved. I began to sing a song I wrote a while ago that I used a lullaby for Clare, reflecting on a childhood I never had but lived through her working eyes.

_"Sometimes I get to feelin'_   
_I was back in the old days, long ago_   
_When we were kids, when we were young_   
_Things seemed so perfect, you know?_   
_The days were endless, we were crazy, we were young_   
_The sun was always shinin', we just lived for fun_   
_Sometimes it seems like lately, I just don't know_   
_The rest of my life's been, just a showThose are the days of our lives_   
_The bad things in life were so few_   
_Those days are all gone now but one thing is true_   
_When I look and I find I still love youYou can't turn back the clock, you can't turn back the tide_   
_Ain't that a shame?_   
_Ooh, I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride_   
_When life was just a game_   
_No use in sitting and thinkin' on what you did_   
_When you can lay back and enjoy it through your eyes_   
_Sometimes it seems like lately, I just don't know_   
_Better sit back and go, with the flowThese are the days of our lives_   
_They've flown in the swiftness of time_   
_These days are all gone now but some things remain_   
_When I look and I find, no changeThose were the days of our lives, yeah_   
_The bad things in life were so few_   
_Those days are all gone now but one thing's still true_   
_When I look and I find, I still love you_   
_I still love you"_

**AN: I changed kids to eyes even though it doesn't rhyme anymore because it fits better for the narrative.**

I kissed the head of his curls as his eyes fluttered shut. "Sweet dreams." I whispered, praying that would be the case.

"You're doing a great job, Roger." I had forgotten Mom was still in the room with us and her sudden voice startled me.

"Yeah...He's been sleeping a lot. I don't know if that's a good thing." I observed.

"You slept a lot." She recalled. "Especially after Michael found you...."

I knew exactly what she was referring to: The time Michael found me passed out on the floor after spilling all the containments of the medicine cabinet down my throat. The weeks following my failed suicide attempt, I mostly stayed in bed all day long and shut the rest of the world out. "I thought I had nothing left to live for." I recalled. "That final surgery was my last hope. And when it failed...I gave up on everything."

"I know you'll never forgive me for letting Michael stay in our lives for way too long, and I've come to peace with that, but there's something you should know." Mom said quietly. "I planned on leaving him that night. I was going to take you and Clare and get us out of there. But then Michael saved your life...a-and I talked myself out of it. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I failed you."

I always questioned why Michael didn't just let me die that night instead of rushing me to the hospital to be saved. Now I understood. It was so he could keep manipulating Mom into thinking he was a decent man.

"I'm through with him for good and never want to see him ever again, but there is a part of me that will always love him for giving me you and Clare and saving you that night." Mom admitted. "I know that's not something you'd want to hear but it's the truth. I'm sorry, Roger. I'm not perfect and you deserve better."

"I forgive you." I said. "I've moved on and I'm happy...or at least I was happy until...until this bullshit..." My voice quivered and I found myself crying again. "It's not fair, Mom. Why did this have to happen to Brian?"

She embraced me. "Oh honey. Shh. Shh. From what I see you are handling it so much better than I ever expected you to and maybe that's my fault because I haven't seen how much you've grown from this relationship. It's gonna be okay, Roger. You just need to keep doing what you're doing and be patient with Brian."

"You really think I'm doing all I can?" I asked hesitantly. Again that fear crept in. "What if he tries to hurt himself like I did?"

"Is that what you meant about the razor? Oh no! I shouldn't have brought it up. How foolish of me." Mom cried. "Listen, Roger, I believe that all you can do to keep his spirits high is to continue showing him unconditional love."

"I-I can do that." I sniffled. "But what if it's not enough? I can show him all the love in the world, but it won't make him see."

"I know." She replied. "But there is nothing you can do to change that. Somethings just can't be fixed. No matter how much you cry or pray, it won't get any better. So you have to take the burden onto yourself to keep him safe and healthy because you can settle for that at the very least. Even if it means you're clipping your baby bird's wings, you're doing it for his own good. I suppose I'll always be the loser in the end."

"We're not talking about Brian anymore are we?" I realized.

"Smart boy." She sighed giving me a sad smile. Her lips pursed as if she knew she revealed too much. "You always were very clever, Roggie. I never gave you enough credit for that, did I?"

I shook my head. "Raising me was probably difficult, but I turned out okay." I wasn't sure what else to say. At this point, I couldn't bring myself to yell at her for treating me like a toddler my entire life just because I was blind. Besides if I raised my voice, I would wake up Brian.

"You turned out better than okay. You're the greatest boy I could ever ask for and I'm so proud of you, Roger. I fucked up by choosing Michael and...well, you're not one to judge my parenting skills now that you see what it's like knowing that if you turn around at any moment your loved one can get into trouble so he needs to be constantly watched and babied. Despite my pathetic parenting mistakes, you still turned into the man you are today. You're amazing, baby. I'm sorry if I don't get that across to you enough. And I'm sorry it took a tragedy for us to have a heart to heart like this."

I asked myself if I would have done anything different if I were in her position with a child who depended on me for everything. I was facing that reality now only it was my husband and not my child. I could already see how I was using similiar tactics as Mom, stifling Brian's independence for his own good. But this was different. Right?

"I don't remember what it was like to see before I met Brian. Was it harder for me in those first few days before I got used to the dark?" I questioned, our fight from earlier about whether or not I could relate came to mind.

"You regressed." I was surprised that Mom was forthright and didn't sugarcoat it. Maybe William was rubbing off on her. "You cried for hours and hours at a time. Your behavior reverted to that of a newborn, and for a while we were scared that you had retained some mental damage from the illness, but eventually when we finally brought you home from the hospital, you adjusted and acted your age again. It was a very exhausting and heartbreaking couple of months until you accepted your new reality. By your third birthday, you had forgotten what it was like to see, and realizing that as a mother hurt me more than you can ever imagine...I remember Clem got you this Lightning McQueen cake. We didn't have any candles because we were scared you would accidentally touch the fire. So Clem bought these fake candles that light up when you push a button almost like a flashlight. He turned them on and explained to you what they were and how they would light up like real candles and you just asked so innocently "Clem-Clem, what is light?"...You didn't understand. Even when we explained it as best we could. You just couldn't remember what it was like to have vision." She sobbed.

I didn't need the heartbreak or the trip down memory lane right now. What I wanted was tips on how to help Brian in that transition from light to dark. Although I wasn't sure what I expected .I shouldn't ask questions if I wasn't prepared to hear the answer. I comforted my mother as Brian slept. All I could do was ask where I went wrong to end up in this position full of tears.

***

_Brian's POV_

"NO! NO! Get away!" I shot upward and the image of Farmer McGregor faded and I was greeted by nothing again. Shit! "Roger?" I called, my voice sounding so small, but someone squeezing my hand put my fears to rest. "I'm here, baby." He put a hand to my cheek and gave me a kiss. "No more naps today, okay? I don't want you to have trouble sleeping tonight."

Not being able to differentiate night from day anymore left me groggy. "Is your mom still here?" I yawned.

"She left about an hour ago, but we have her carrot juice. Here I'll pour you a glass. Please don't move. No bicycles. I'll be back faster than you can say Galileo."

Not being able to do anything to distract myself from this darkness made it even worse, but I didn't want to fall again. As much as I was tempted to get back on the bike again and get some blood flowing to my brain, I remained seated. Somehow haunting memories of the barn kept creeping back into my head no matter how hard I tried to fight it. Farmer McGregor was out on bail. He was pretty much a free man. If he wanted to, he could show up here and drag me away to take me prisoner again. "Don't touch me!" I screamed at the sound of heavy footsteps.

"Bri, it's me!" It wasn't that cold gruff voice, but this was a higher raspy voice filled with warmth. "Roggie." I sighed in relief.

"I um got you the carrot juice. Here, put your hands out." He placed the glass in my extended grasp. "Oh and there's a crazy straw in there so you can have fun sipping it." Roger told me.

I brought the glass close to my lips trying to find the crazy straw. Eventually Roger reached over and adjusted the straw's position for me. "This is good." I remarked. "Can you thank your mother for me? She didn't have to do this for me."

"Of course. I'll thank her." I felt Roger affectionately play with my curls as he sat next to me. His hand went to my face, tracing it with his fingers. "You know she's right. You could use a shave."

"You don't like my beard?" I teased. "I thought you said it made me look sexy."

"You'll always look sexy, Brimi, but I think I prefer the touch of your smooth face. Has nothing to do with looks." Roger explained.

I touched my beard again, still having no clue what it looked like. I hadn't shaved since I left to visit Farmer McGregor. He wasn't polite enough to provide me with a shaving kit obviously. Hell, he probably wanted me to look like this since it was more animalistic. Suddenly, I missed the softness of my old face that hadn't gone through this experience of being dehumanized. All this scratchy texture did was remind me of being tortured by that monster.

"I want it off!" I shouted. "Get rid of it now!"

"Oh um okay." Roger was startled by my violent reaction. "I'll help you shave it."

I felt like crying again when Roger helped me get to the bathroom because I knew there was a mirror right in front of us. It served as a reminder of what Farmer McGregor took from me besides my dignity.

"Hold still. I'm gonna apply the shaving cream now." Roger was so gentle and explained each step he took so there was nothing to fear.

There was one thing that the bastard hadn't stolen. Sure he plagued me with darkness and nightmares, but my heart was still beating, and even though I couldn't see the sunshine I could sense his warm presence. "I love you."

"I love you too, but don't talk right now cause when you move your lips and your face I might cut you by accident." Roger sounded very focused so I followed his instructions not wanting to get punished with a cut or another shock. No... My hands traveled to my neck to assure myself that it was no longer constrained by that blasted collar. I was safe. Roger was here.

"OW!" The sharp sting on the side of my chin came out of nowhere.

"Fuck! I'm so sorry, Brimi. You were trembling and I-I...Fuck!" Before I could realize what happened I heard Roger leave.

I panicked.I messed up and Lynette warned that displeasing the master would lead to big trouble. I could stay human in my mind but to keep myself alive I had to follow McGregor's rules. I crouched down onto my hands and knees awaiting his return so I wouldn't get punished again.

"I'm so so sorry. I got a bandaid for your **—** Brian? What the hell are you doing?"

I blinked snapping out of my trance. What was wrong with me? I was at home with Roger, far from that hellish barn. He would never deliberately hurt me. Shakily I stood up. What had gotten over me? It must be the darkness getting to my head. That was it.

"I take it you've never gone slightly mad from being blind?" I asked. I doubt Roger ever had an episode like that where he thought he was someplace else completely when he had no reason to believe otherwise.

"You're gonna be okay, Bri. Just hang in there please." He hugged me and I felt better. "I'm gonna call Uncle Clem later. Check in on him and Keiko in Japan. I think he can help us because he helped raise me and remembers what it was like for me to go from vision to darkness. Any tips he offers can help. Here, let me put a bandaid on your cut. It's not bad at all. There's no blood."

"Is my beard gone?" I asked. I touched my face relieved that it was no longer scratchy.

"I think I did a decent job but maybe we'll take you to a professional barber next time. I don't want to cut you again. Freddie says Jim used to be a hairdresser so he's probably our man to go to." Roger sealed the bandaid with a kiss on top of it.

"Thank you. Thank you for taking care of me." I expressed my gratitude.

"Of course." Roger replied. "One way or another we'll survive. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you feel safe and secure."

That should have been enough. Roger was bending over backwards to make sure I got through this ordeal and didn't lose my head. So then why did I have this underlying fear? No matter what I did, I couldn't escape that barn. It was like I was still trapped there. I was completely blind but yet I could still see Farmer McGreggor with his endless supply of syringes.

"Bri?" Roger called. "Please Brian, don't do this. Don't get lost in your own head. I know your thoughts have a tendency to drown out the world but you have to find a way to overcome that. At least for the time being. You'll need all your other senses working overtime to make up for your lack of vision."

"I don't know what's wrong with me." I stated bleakly.

"Nothings wrong with you. You're overcoming trauma.Going blind would scare anybody and I don't expect you to handle it like a pro." Roger said.

"Y-Yeah." I agreed, pushing aside the dark memories. It was the blindness I had to worry about not that lingering doom threatening me in the back of my mind. If I could focus on getting my sight back then those foreboding phantoms of Farmer McGregor would be forgotten. Or at least that was what I told myself.

***

_Roger's POV_

I had a few moments to myself since Brian had headphones in and was listening to a podcast about space. Leave it to Deaky for that brilliant idea. I made a mental note to thank him again later.

With the brief respite, I used my time to Skype with Uncle Clem hoping for some advice. He was still getting used to the technology because his time spent in jail stunted him from most modern things. Although I wasn't one to speak because I spent 22 years in a vacuum myself. "Hey, hey! It's my little race car driver." I smiled at the use of his childhood nickname for me. "Can you hear me?" Clem asked readjusting his camera so I wasn't looking up his nostrils. Much better. "Loud and clear." I gave him a thumbs up.

"It's great to see you, Roggie. How are things? I heard about the bill banning the badger cull. Brian must be very pleased. I hope you and him are celebrating and having the time of your lives."

That was all it took to make me crumble. For what was probably the 39th time today I broke down and cried. Shit! I hated what an emotional wreck we had become.

"Oh, Roger, what's the matter? Is it something I said?"

"No Uncle Clem...I just...Some catastrophic things have happened over the last few days and my life has been turned completely upside-down."

"Aww. I'm so sorry." I could hear the urgency in his voice like he was prepared to book the first flight to London if necessary. "Whatever it is I'm here to help. It can't be that bad. After all you can still see, right?"

"N-No it's not me. It's Brian." And that made it so much worse. Why couldn't it have been me? Why sweet BriBri who was the very last person who ever deserved this? I began into a tearful explanation of what had happened. "A-And I don't know what to do. He's clearly broken. I left him for a moment earlier and then I found him crouched down on his hands and knees and crying. He wouldn't tell me what that was all about. Sometimes I catch glimpses of the gentle giant I know and love but this hopelessness and gloom seems to have swallowed him. I'm scared. I don't want to have to do every little thing for him because that might only make things worse, but if I leave him alone even for a moment, it's like his mind travels to this dark place and I can't get him back."

"Where is he now?" Uncle Clem asked.

"In bed listening to a podcast. That seems enough to distract him from the darkness." I murmured.

"That's good. Distraction is key. Make sure he always has something to occupy his mind. Whatever it is, keep him busy so he doesn't have time to dwell. He learned Braille for you, didn't he? That's something that can come in handy now. Give him all the Braille books you have. Or break out your Braille Scrabble set."

"How long can the distractions last?" I wondered. "I can't keep this up for the next three weeks. It's only been a few days and we're both going slightly mad."

"You just have to make the most out of a shitty situation. He may not be able to see the light anymore, but you can convince him that there's still things that can brighten his day. A song, a kiss, a story, anything helps. You have a lot to offer, Roger. Don't sell yourself short." Uncle Clem advised. "Just think back to what used to make you happy when you were blind."

"Most of my happiest childhood memories involve you." I recalled. "Those wild bedtime stories you'd tell, all the presents you'd get me, and the way you made me feel special. Not a 'Roger, you're different 'cause you can't see' kind of way but a 'Roger, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to' kind of way."

"I lied a lot, but I meant that one, little man. You're capable of anything if you work hard enough. That was honesty and it still is honesty." Uncle Clem admitted. "Michael tried to put you down every chance he got and Winnie...she meant well, but she wasn't helpful in making you feel like any normal kid. So it was up to me to build up your confidence so you didn't feel like such an outsider growing up. I'm not sure if I was successful, but I sure as hell tried to help you forget that you were any different from other kids."

I nodded. "I think that's key in helping Brian. I have to make him forget that he's in the darkness. That's where those distractions come in handy."

"Rog..." He hesitated. "Ahh, you're gonna hate me for saying this, but you might have to lie when necessary."

I rolled my eyes. "You lie so much you might as well be a politician."

Uncle Clem frowned. "I don't wanna be the President of America. Look all I'm saying is that you have to make the visible world seem dull and uninteresting so he doesn't feel left out."

"Did you do that with me?" I asked feeling slightly betrayed, but I should have expected that coming from Clem.

"I told you that all books were Braille and kids in other schools were learning Braille as well so you felt on par with them. Hell, I even told you at one point that sunshine was invisible. It made you feel better."

"Not when I learned the truth." I sighed. "I would never lie to Bri. What good would that do for us? Besides, he already knows what the world looks like. That's what makes this so bloody difficult. He's not like me, he has an understanding of what he's missing out on."

"ROGER!" Brian screamed like a frightened child shattering my heart. "I have to go." I said abruptly, not even bothering to shut the computer. I ran to Brian's side, finding him struggling in his tangled sheets. "P-Please...No more! Just let me go! I won't tell anyone I swear!"

"Brimi." I helped him untangle himself and rocked him in my arms in an attempt to cradle him. "Shh. It's alright. You're safe. I'm here, baby, I'm here."

"Roger?" He touched the side of my face, slowly moving his hand, nearly poking me in the eye, but I didn't say anything. "My Roger." He cooed. "You're here." He sounded so relieved.

Here I thought the darkness was the only thing troubling Brian, but I couldn't be more wrong. He hadn't opened up about what Farmer McGregor had done to him, but I assumed the worst when we had found him in such bad shape. "I'm not going to let him hurt you ever again." I said, covering him with loving kisses. "I'll protect you. I promise I'll do what it takes so you can feel safe again."

"Don't go." Brian clung to me.

"I'm not going anywhere." I assured him. "Here let me sing for you again. Would you like that?"

" _I'd sit alone and watch your light_  
 _My only friend through teenage nights_  
 _And everything I had to know_  
 _I heard it on my radio_  
 _You gave them all those old time stars_  
 _Through wars of worlds invaded by Mars_  
 _You made 'em laugh, you made 'em cry_  
 _You made us feel like we could fly (radio)_  
 _So don't become some background noise_  
 _A backdrop for the girls and boys_  
 _Who just don't know or just don't care_  
 _And just complain when you're not there_  
 _You had your time, you had the power_  
 _You've yet to have your finest hour_  
 _Radio (radio)_  
 _All we hear is radio ga ga_  
 _Radio goo goo_  
 _Radio ga ga_  
 _All we hear is radio ga ga_  
 _Radio blah blah_  
 _Radio, what's new?_  
 _Radio, someone still loves you..."_

"Oh Rog." I got a laugh out of him. "Now you're writing love songs for radios as well as cars." He managed to kiss my elbow. "Never change, honey. I love you so much."

"You feeling better?" I asked.

"Mhmm. What should we do now? I lost the podcast. Sorry." Brian groped around but it was no use because the phone and cord had fallen from the bed and were on the floor. I picked it up and placed it on the bedside table. "I think it's time we got ready for bed." I said.

"Bed? But it's the middle of the afternoon and I'm not tired." Brian pouted.

"I told you this would happen if you napped too much. It's late. Definitely not the afternoon anymore." I told him.

Brian was quiet. He looked up as if there was something on the ceiling that he could see. "Are the stars out?" There was a sense of longing in his voice.

I thought about what Uncle Clem said. One look out the window told me it was a beautiful night with a clear crescent moon and sparkling stars. "No. It's foggy out. You can't see a thing. Really nothing but a cloudy black sky. You're not missing anything."

I knew Clem lied. So did Mom at times. Now I had to ask myself how often Clare, my second pair of functioning eyes, would downplay the beauty of something just to make me feel better. It was probably more often than I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes! This was a long depressing chapter. I promise that the next chapter in the canon series will be silly and sweet to make up for this. Things will get better for our love birds though. It's only a matter of time. Hang in there everyone!💕


	8. Laughter Ringing in the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian makes slow but steady progress but it's not easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Here's my paper, Professor.
> 
> Prof: Excellent! This means there's just enough time for another short paper.
> 
> Me: What?
> 
> Prof: 8-16 pages double spaced due next week. Can't give you an extension cause finals are the week after that and we're already behind because of COVID. Good luck!
> 
> Me: That's called a "short" paper, but it's longer than the last one which was not considered a "short" paper.
> 
> Prof: Why did you sign up for two 4000 level classes this semester? What did you expect?
> 
> Me: Screams
> 
> In other news, here's the next chapter which is probably as long as my paper needs to be:

_Brian's POV_

"Brimi, wake up! Wake up! I have an idea." Someone tour me out of my nightmare...Wait I knew that voice like I knew my guitar strings. As I returned from my grogginess of sleep I realized it was Roger playfully nudging and poking me. I prodded back to the best of my ability, managing to get in a few tickles. "Bri, stop! Stop! I'm ticklish! Stop! Please have mercy!" The sound of Roger's warm laughter did not encourage me to stop because it put a smile on my face. Eventually though I put an end to tormenting him. There were other ways to make him laugh for my own amusement, things we'd both enjoy.

"You twat!" Roger giggled, giving me a soft shove. "What was that for? You know I can't stand being tickled like that."

"Yeah but it makes me feel better." I yawned. "Mind showing me your lips, baby. I could use a good morning kiss if you're just going to force me awake like that."

"Here you go, sweetheart." I felt a soft but nonetheless compassionate kiss to my lips. "I'm willing to torture through deadly tickles if it'll get you to smile. How are you feeling this morning? Hopefully things are getting just a tiny bit better."

"You're here." I reached for Roger's hand grasping it. "So that makes it better."

Roger went quiet for a moment and I wish I knew what his face was saying. I missed those big blue eyes. I reminded myself again that he was still here even though he might as well be the invisible man. "Rog?" I asked after the silence became overbearing.

"Huh? Oh yeah. I um...Sorry. Just lost in thought. Spending too much time with you and you'll start to rub off on me like that, but yeah I'm here and I love you." Roger nuzzled his head against the crook of my neck, and I reached out to touch his soft tresses trying to remember those beautiful blonde locks by sight rather than texture. My hands explored the side of Roger's face so I could become more familiar with it. He didn't seem to mind. Then I touched something that wasn't skin. A fabric?

"Roger, are you wearing a mask?" I inquired.

"It's a blindfold. That was my brilliant idea that I tried to wake you up for, but you distracted me with your tickles and sweetness." He explained.

"I'm confused." I murmured. "Why are you wearing a blindfold."

"Because, silly, now we're both on the same page. If you have to endure the darkness, then it's only fair that I go back to it as well. Am I a bloody genius or what?" I never thought I'd hear Roger sound so enthusiastic to blind himself, but here we are in this messed up situation.

"Rog, you are so stupid." I laughed at the sheer foolishness of his idea. "Come here you lovable moron." More confidently than I had moved since this all began, I took him into my arms. "I can't believe you'd do this for me."

"Of course I would. If you told me to jump off a cliff I would do it without thinking twice. I'm serious, Brian. And it's not a stupid idea but it got you to laugh and smile again." He planted another kiss on my lips.

"How'd you know I'm smiling?" I asked.

"Can kinda hear it in your voice, and I feel it on your lips when we kiss. Here, touch my lips and you can feel me smile."

"Okay, just don't bite my hand." I wouldn't put that prank past Roger, but he was in one of his more nurturing moods that withstood his immaturity. It took me a few tries (first touching an ear, then a nose), but I finally brushed my fingers against Roger's mouth. His soft lips were indeed curved upwards. I was caught off guard when they moved but then I realized he was talking. "It feels nice, doesn't it? That's what happiness always felt like to me."

"It's beautiful. You're beautiful." I found myself blurting. I could still see his beauty because it was beyond looks, and it took this childish activity for me to realize that. Maybe Roger was onto something with this plan after all...

"You're beautiful too. This reminds me of when we first met."Roger said.

"I can certainly help with that." I replied deviously kissing him and fumbling to remove the blindfold from over his eyes. "Does this seem familiar, love?" I laughed.

"Yes. But I wasn't talking about that." I felt Roger's hands take the blindfold back from me to reapply it. "That wasn't how we really met. Don't you remember those months we spent talking on the phone for hours and hours? I think I fell for you even in those days when I couldn't see you and only knew your voice."

"Love is blind." I agreed.

"Ugh! That show is so stupid! Did those reality jerks really expect to find their soulmates like that? What a dumb social experiment full of petty bitches." Roger ranted. "I still can't believe you made me watch the entire season."

To be honest I hated that blasted reality program more than Roger but I put up with it because it was really funny to see Roger get so mad about it like this. I stifled back a snicker.

"Are you laughing at me, Brian May? Because that is unacceptable." Roger clicked his tongue. "This calls for some serious action."

My face was suddenly slapped with something puffy. The shock hurt much more than the harmless blow. "W-Was that a pillow?" I picked up the object and blindly swatted it at Roger in return and then our pillow fight was on! We both frantically hit each other with pillows not sure where we were aiming but our laughter drowned out any concerns. When I reached down for my pillow I realized it must have fallen from the bed. This left me defenseless as Roger pelted me with his pillow. I put my hands up in the air. "I surrender! You win, Roggie!"

"I always win!" Roger exclaimed in a most conceited fashion.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" I sat up and stretched. "More podcasts?" That was the only thing I could do so I might as well make the most of it.

"Well the weather is warm for once.I was thinking we could have breakfast and then go outside for a walk with Ringo. Maybe to the park? Would you like that?"

I hadn't left the home in days. I usually loved getting in touch with nature and our walks to the park were no exception. Now the task seemed daunting and even scary. So many unknown elements lurked out there unlike in the flat which was generally a controlled environment. What if Farmer McGregor was in the park?

"Bri? Did you hear me?" Roger called.

"I don't know, Rog." I sighed.

"Wait! Here's an even better idea. Let's have a picnic in the park. We can set up a big blanket and eat breakfast there. C'mon it'll be fun." Roger practically pulled me out of bed, and I couldn't deny him when he sounded so eager. How bad could it be?

***

_Roger's POV_

"So honey really isn't vegan?" I asked as I applied the honey spread to my crumpet. Brian's agave alternative just didn't taste the same, but this time he was using jam. I realized a few minutes into our picnic breakfast that the foods I had packed were too messy. Most of the jam ended up everywhere besides the crumpet--on the blanket, the utensils, Brian's clothes, his hands, his face. Oh well. At least he was trying. I counted this as progress.

"For the last time, Roger, honey comes from bees. Bees are animals." He licked the remaining jam from his lips and I helped him clean up the rest.

We were quiet for a bit, just breathing in the fresh air and listening to the chirping of the birds and rustling of the wind. I cheated and took my blindfold off but only to ensure we wouldn't get lost on our walk. One of us had to be the eyes. "Thanks for suggesting this, Roggie. This is very nice." Brian sighed.

"I knew you'd like it. Here, you missed some of the jam." I licked the corner of his mouth for him and then kissed him. "Mmm. You taste like cherry jam."

"I'd imagine." Brian replied and kissed me back.

My eyes fluttered shut, and I tried my best to keep them that way so we were in the same space. Sight was important but there were so many other powerful sensations that can guide you. "You're not missing out." I whispered. "I promise you're not missing out." I took his face in my hands and guide it downward so it rested atop my chest. "Listen to that. Do you hear my heart?" I extended my ear to Brian's chest to hear his heart as our breathing patterns synced up. We spent the rest of the morning curled up in that position on our blanket beneath the warm sun.

***

"And there's a cloud that looks like a SUV...if you look to your left there's another cloud that kinda looks like a truck..."

Brian frowned. "Rog, they can't all look like cars."

"I'm just telling you what I see, Brian. Do you want this narration or not?" I offered this eye service, the same way Clare did for me, describing each and everything I saw. But my one goal in mind, to make Brian laugh was on the top of my to-do list.

"So if you look carefully you'll be able to see a space octopus piloting his UFO." I stated, just to make sure Brian was still paying attention.

"What the fuck is in that honey spread of yours?" Brian laughed. Success!

"What?"I teased. "You've never seen a space octopus before? I thought you would know all about them considering you went to space school and all."

"It's not called space school, Roger. It's a PhD program. And no, I don't believe I've ever encountered any space octopi in my work." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Space octopuses." I corrected.

"The plural of octopus is octopi, not octopuses."

Wait what? "Then how do you explain Octopuses Garden?"

Before Brian could explain this discrepancy (or admit that I was in the right), my phone rang. Who would be calling me?

"I'm having a romantic picnic with my boyfriend who needs all of my attention right now. So you better have a good reason for calling, bitch!" I screamed at whoever it was. Maybe I should have looked before I answered.

"Watch who you call a bitch, darling! Where the hell are you? Deaky and I are waiting outside your flat. We're worried sick." Freddie cried.

"I told you we're picnicking." I replied. "Why are you at our flat?"

"To make sure you're okay and help you care for Brian. Why else, dear? We're a family. We look out for each other in tough times. And I bloody well intend to make that happens. So get back here so we can make sure Brian is doing all right."

"I'm fine, Fred." Brian spoke up. "You can trust Roger. He's taking good care of me." He looked in my direction and smiled. "We're gonna be okay."

"Yes we are." I agreed and I finally started to feel at ease.

***

Things almost felt normal. Granted, I was wearing a blindfold, but somehow the darkness seemed less formidable. Brian was behaving as he normally would for the most part--being a smartass and bickering with me over anything everything. It was good to have him back.

"No, Freddie, ip is not a word!" Brian said firmly after "reading" the tile he put down. Our special version of Scrabble had tiles with the normal letters and their Braille counterparts inscribed beneath.

"Sure it is, darling." Freddie quipped.

"Use it in a sentence then." Deaky challenged.

"Um...I ip. You ip. We all ip. That was three sentences right there." Freddie sounded so confident. I wasn't sure if he was bullshitting or not. Ip could very well be a word.

"I say it's time we consult our dear friend Mr. Dictionary." Brian announced. Then he paused and I knew something was wrong.

"Brimi?"

"Sorry. I-It just...it hits you sometimes. Has that ever happened to you, Roggie? One moment you're fine, and the next you realize...Shit!"

"We have a Braille dictionary right here." I offered, but I knew that Brian wouldn't find much comfort in that. Having to seek an untraditional dictionary was probably what triggered his sadness to begin with. I didn't even bother with it. Instead, I crawled onto his lap for a cuddle. "Thanks, Rog." He cooed, and I realized that he was crying. "It's alright." I whispered, trying my best to comfort him. "Those dreadful feelings will come and go. That's normal. But you're making such good progress."

"You know what, why don't we play another game?" Freddie blurted.

"Yeah. I'll clean this up. No worries." Deaky said. "We can play something else. Do you have any other board games, Rog?"

"Umm..." I couldn't focus when Brian was so upset. I remembered what Uncle Clem said about distraction. Another Braille board game might remind Brian about his newfound disability, but I wasn't sure what else we could do.

"Truth or dare!" Freddie suggested. "I fucking love that game. No assembly required. Let's do it! Who wants to go first?...Roger, darling, truth or dare?"

This could either be super fun or chaotically disastrous. Maybe a little bit of both. But I'd embrace anything that would help distract Brian and get him back on track to smiling and laughing again. "Um...." I was feeling risky. "Dare."

"Oooh! I was hoping you'd say that!" The intrigue in Freddie's voice scared me. "Don't worry, darling, I won't have you do anything painful. How about...I dare you to propose to Brian." The way he came up with that on the spot so quickly told me this was all a stunt to cheer up Brian, and I was totally on board.

"We're already engaged, Fred." Brian said flatly.

"Yes, but from what you told me, you were the one who proposed to him and not the other way around. I think you deserve to be proposed to. Now go ahead, Roger, and make it a proper heartfelt one."

"Rog, if you don't feel comfortable--" Brian started, but I already removed myself from his lap and got down on one knee.

"Brian, I am fucking blindfolded right now. I'm just as much in the dark as I was the day I met you, and that means absolutely nothing. You're still the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, and I'll always love you no matter what my eyes plan on doing. It helps that you're tall, tan, and handsome, but beyond looks you're the sweetest most compassionate person there is always showing me patience and kindness and putting me in my place when necessary. You stand by me and support me even when I'm being a total pain in the ass. And I want to do the same. I know they say in sickness and in health, but in this case I think we'll say in darkness and in light, I will always be yours. So will you marry me so that I can feel the way I do around you for the rest of our lives together?"

"That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life!" Freddie squealed. "What do you say, Brian? Don't leave the poor boy hanging."

"You know my answer. Of course I'll marry you. I'd do it in a heartbeat. You're so special, Roggie. You mean everything to me, and I'm counting the days until I can finally see you again." I felt a pair of arms around me, and suddenly I was hoisted back up onto a lap that might as well be my home. "You were able to pick me up without any issues." I applauded. "You're making such good progress. I'm so so proud of you, Brimi, and I'm going to continue to help you." I smacked my lips up against his in a forceful sloppy kiss with all the passion I could muster. Freddie cheered us on, but Deaky made an uncomfortable noise.

"So..." We finally parted for air. "Truth or dare, Bri?"

"Ummm....dare." Brian surprised me. Hmm. I'd save the more intimate dares for tonight when we were alone in the privacy of our bedroom. For now, I'd just mess with him. "I dare you to admit that the earth is flat."

Brian didn't hesitate. "John, truth or dare."

"Hey!" I protested at how my dare was being completely ignored.

"T-truth." Deaky said nervously, not even addressing my brilliant request of Brian.

"Alright...Ohh. What's the dirtiest thing you've ever done with Veronica?" It seemed like my dare was going to be overlooked completely, but I practically forgot about it when I heard Brian's question. That was unexpected coming from Brian who rarely liked to kiss and tell.

"Brian, you naughty nanny!" Freddie shrieked.

"Well..." John gave it some thought. "Last year on Ronnie's birthday I took her to the spa. We had a mud bath treatments. It was very dirty."

I scratched my head trying to find an innuendo in there. No, he literally meant that they got dirty from the mud bath. No one said anything, not wanting to upset poor cute Deaky. What an innocent bean!

"Why are you so fucking cute, Deaky?" Freddie finally blurted. "It's not fair, my precious baby creampuff. Ugh! Alright, darling, before you kill me with your adorableness, it's your turn."

"Alright. Freddie, I don't believe you've gone yet. Truth or dare?" "Go big or go home, of course I'm going to take a dare, darling. Make it a good one!" Well this should be interesting. I snuggled even closer to Brian as Deaky came up with a good dare for Freddie.

"I dare you to eat a potato..."

"What?" I snickered at the randomness.

"Raw." John clarified. "I um dare you to eat a raw potato. And let me film it so we can send it to Jim."

"You want me to eat a raw potato?" Freddie asked.

"Can I take that dare instead?" I volunteered when Freddie hesitated.

"No, dear. It was my dare. I'll do it. Anything for Deaky. Get me a potato!" He declared.

"Jim is going to love this!" John snickered.

I was so tempted to take off my blindfold and cheat. After all Brian wouldn't be able to tell if I was wearing it or not. But I refrained. When I wore this blindfold it was a symbol of how we tackled things as a team. Brian's burdens were mine to share and vice versa. So I would gladly wear the blindfold until Brian got his sight back just to prove to both of us that our relationship could withstand these hardships. It wasn't so bad, just a bit of an inconvenience. I thought I'd be more bothered by it. Instead it acted more as a reminder of how Brian was suffering. I planted another kiss on his lips startling him.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"Just felt like it." I replied. "Do you have the potato yet, Fred?"

"I've got it right here. What do you want me to do, just bite into like an apple?" Freddie inquired.

"Precisely!" John proclaimed. "Ready Freddie?"

"Hello Jim, my love, and whoever else is watching. I'm Freddie Mercury and I was dared to eat a raw potato. So here goes nothing, darlings." I heard him chomp down and make a gagging sound. "Bloody hell, John! To be fair I've tasted nastier things in my life, but that was quite dreadful. Too bad it's impossible to be mad at you, Deaky, my sweet creampuff."

John applauded "I'm uploading this to TikTok. You're gonna go viral."

"I'm gonna be a star!" Freddie proclaimed dramatically.

"Do you really want to be famous for eating a raw potato?" Brian laughed. Yay! He laughed again and it wasn't even me who initiated it.

"That gives me more right to be famous than any of the Kardashians I'll tell you that much." Freddie replied. "Truth or dare, Brimi?"

"How about a truth this time?"

"You're no fun, darling." Freddie sighed. "Let's see...Say you're in a runaway trolley. There's two tracks ahead. A family of badgers is on one side and a family of hedgehogs is on the other. You can pull the lever on the trolley to either run over the badgers and save the hedgehogs or run over the hedgehogs and save the badgers. Which do you choose?"

That was a horrible question. "Why isn't there a lever that stops the trolley?" I cried. "Where's the conductor?"

"It's an ethical question, Roger. It's meant to be hypothetical." Brian explained. "I believe Kant would advise to not make the decision at all and not pull any lever because killing anyone is immoral even if you're saving somebody else. I'd follow Kant's philosophies most closely in this case although there is no right or wrong answer."

"You need to watch your mouth, Brian. There are Deakies in the room." Freddie scolded.

"What did I say?" Brian asked and I held back laughter. How could he not know. "That philosopher dude you brought up." I snickered.

"Immanuel Kant?"

"You said it again!" Freddie screamed and I burst into laughter leaving Brian and Deaky clueless.

"His name sound like a woman's body part." I explained and Freddie howled with more laughter.

"Oh grow up, will you!" Brian exclaimed. "It's not that bloody funny."

"I think this Immanuel bloke is a stripper. That can't possibly be his real name." Freddie continued.

"You know you didn't even get the trolley problem correct." Brian pointed out. "It's supposed to be that on one track there's 5 strangers and then on the other track there's your loved one. Do you save your loved one and kill 5 innocent people or do you save the strangers and kill your loved one?"

"Alright fine. One track is a family of badgers that are strangers to you and the other track is Roger. And you can't cop out with that Kant answer. You have to choose. Roger or the badgers." Freddie prompted.

"Why am I on the track?" I cried.

"I don't know, you wandered onto the track while Brian was busy conducting the trolley. Answer the question, Brian." Freddie exclaimed.

I felt Brian stiffen and he went quiet. Note to self: kill Freddie.

"What are you trying to prove, Freddie?" John cried. "Hasn't Bri been traumatized enough. Don't make him imagine running over a family of badgers with a trolley."

"That's assuming he chooses Roger. Interesting." Freddie remarked.

"Of course he'd choose me. We live and die for each other. Here's what I'd do, Freddie, I'd push you on the tracks instead to make Brian's decision that much easier." I threatened.

"Stop it! All of you! No more talk of killing loved ones." Brian shouted. "Please. Don't make me believe that he's right about me." From the quiver in his voice I could tell he was crying and when I reached up I felt tears. My heart shattered. We were doing so well.

"Oh there, there, darling. We just got a little carried away. Please don't cry, my love." Freddie joined me in hugging Brian. It served him right because he caused this breakdown.

"Who do you think is right about you?" Deaky whispered.

"I don't want to talk about it." Brian sniffled.

"Well we can't help you unless we know what going on in that brilliant head of yours." I said although I already had a feeling I knew the answer.

"Is it wrong that I put animal lives on par with humans?" Brian asked eventually.

"Absolutely not." Freddie said. "No." Deaky agreed.

"It's annoying but strangely I love you more for it. You value all life equally. I don't know how anyone can have a heart that big but it's make me feel so lucky that I have such a caring person in my life." I gave him a kiss hoping it would cheer him up but the wetness continued to drain down both of our cheeks. Was I crying too? I couldn't tell.

"What kind of hot air balloon would tell you that it's wrong to love animals?" Freddie cried. "Was it that c*nt Immanuel Kant? I bet it was him. You listen to me, Brimi, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact, if I had to choose between you three bitches and my cats in that trolley, I would choose my cats each and every time. No regrets." I couldn't tell if he was joking or not, but that was certainly reassuring *sarcasm*. Then again, I said I would push Freddie onto the tracks. So I guess we were even now.

"I-It was Farmer McGregor." Brian spoke, his soft voice almost inaudible, but I still made out the words. I knew it!

"Fuck him! I would run him over with that trolley a million and 39 times if I could." I growled.

"I'm sorry." Brian sobbed. "I ruined the game."

"Oh no! No." Deaky said soothingly. "You didn't ruin anything, Bri. We love you. All we want is for you to feel better."

"Do you want me to eat another raw potato? Will that stop those tears?" Freddie offered.

"No, that's alright, Fred. C-Can we just stay like this for a little while please? This position is comforting."

From what I could tell, we were in some sort of cuddle pile with me resting on Brian's lap and Freddie and John enveloping us on either side. I agreed with Brian, this giant group hug thing really was comforting especially when you could only feel the warmth of the others.

***

_Brian's POV_

I tensed at the sound of the doorbell. "Roger, were we expecting any more guests over today?" I inquired. "Not that I know of." He rasped, his voice sounding groggy as we had become so sedated in our position. Maybe he had fallen asleep. I wish I was able to do that, but staying in the loving snuggle mass of my brothers and husband was enough to take my mind off my woes.

"I'll get it!" Freddie exclaimed. His prance was much lighter than Roger's I realized as he walked away nearly soundlessly. Interesting. I never knew how much I could learn about a person just from the sounds they made. I otherwise wouldn't have payed attention to the noise of footsteps. 

"Miami, darling! What are you doing here?" Freddie squealed. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!"

 _'Join the club.'_ I thought dismally. It felt like ages since I had seen anything. How the hell did Roger manage all those years? Just a few days in and I was already at my breaking point. Why couldn't I be more like Roger and cope so beautifully? Well to be fair everything about Roger was beautiful. I really didn't deserve him.

"I'm here to see Brian. Where is he?" I heard Miami enter the room. "Ah there you are. I hope you're feeling better today, son. Hello, John. Hello, Roger. I won't ask what the blindfold is all about. I trust you've all been taking good care of Brian so far?"

I nodded. The situation was fucked up, but I felt very loved by my support group. Especially my Roger.

"Thanks for stopping by, Dad." Unlike Deaky who was adopted at only a few months old, Freddie and I rarely referred to the lawyer as "Dad" because we had memories of our biological parents. I mostly followed Freddie's lead and called him Miami. It was only in more vulnerable moments like this that we called him Dad.

"I'm so sorry." Miami responded knowing exactly what me calling him Dad meant. "I wish I could be more available but I'm working on your case. Lynette's mother and I are teaming with the prosecution to make sure McGregor gets what he deserves."

"Lynette's Mom is an attorney?" I thought back to when we met at the vigil. It hadn't been the appropriate time to talk about her career because she was weeping over the loss of her daughter. She must be so happy that Lynette was returned safe and sound. Well maybe not so safe and sound. I had no doubts her nightmares were similar to mine.

"Mrs. Jefferson is normally a defense attorney, but in this case she is on the side of the prosecution. Of course we can only advise the lawyers on the case because of our relationships with the victims. It's a conflict of interest. But rest assured the lead prosecutor is a colleague of mine and he's very good at his job. You're in good hands, Brian. We're working on getting an indictment from a grand jury in the coming weeks. Lynette agreed to testify. You don't have to because her testimony should be enough to get an indictment, but we will need you when we get to trial."

"The grand jury sounds so much more regal than a normal boring jury." Freddie rambled. "Why wasn't I put on a grand jury when I was called for jury duty? In fact I wasn't put on a jury at all. They dismissed me. I wasted hours at the courthouse. It was horribly dull."

"A grand jury is a special type of jury that doesn't decide guilt or innocence. Instead they determine if there's enough evidence for the charges to be brought to trial." Miami explained. "We're hoping to get an indictment on the charges of murder, attempted homicide, aggravated assault and kidnapping. They're all serious felonies and if he's found guilt of any of one of them if not all of them in the trial, then he'll go away for a long, long time."

I didn't know there was an additional hurdle we had to maneuver before getting to trial. Thankfully I didn't have to be there. Although that made me more nervous because I wouldn't be able to ensure that my side of the story was told. "What if the grand jury decides there's not enough evidence to indict? You can appeal, right?"

"No their decision is final. Lynette's testimony should be enough, but if you feel comfortable and you're well enough you can testify too. That's why I'm here. You are going to have to testify eventually. Mrs. Jefferson and I agree that we refuse any plea deals. We want this to go to trial so this monster who hurt our children can be punished to the full extent of the law."

"I want to testify." I decided. "If I have to face McGregor in trial I might as well secure that we make it there."

"Oh no, Brian, you don't have to worry about him at the grand jury. The defendant does not participate. It's just the witnesses, the prosecutor and the jury. You won't be cross examined or anything like that and McGregor will not be there." Miami assured me. I let out a sigh of relief. That made matters much easier.

"No judge?" Deaky asked.

"No judges either." He confirmed. "It's a bit more informal than a trial. But I'm proud of your decision, Brian. It's very brave of you. And it will help prepare you for the trial. Think of this as a dress rehearsal."

"I'll be there for moral support." Roger squeezed my hand.

"We all will." Deaky promised.

"Thank you." To have all this love and support was a blessing, and I couldn't let this darkness cloud the goodness of my wonderful family...who I was almost taken away from completely thanks to Farmer McGregor's evil ways. No! I wouldn't let my mind go back there. I was loved and I didn't deserve what happened. It was okay to be a vegan and give second thoughts to letting badgers die to save a human life. 

_'Why do you care so much about those goddamn animals? Now that you're reduced to one, wouldn't you like to be human again? Can't you see that human life is superior. Well I'll make you fucking see it now that you're a filthy animal!'_

And now I couldn't see at all because of him. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't I escape this mess?

"Anyway, if you are going to testify, you need to be prepped." Miami said. "So for right now I'd just like you to tell me exactly what happened as best as you can remember. If you're uncomfortable, we can do this privately."

"No, we're staying here." Freddie declared. 

"Agreed. I'm not moving." Roger announced. 

"Um...whatever makes you most comfortable, Bri, but it might be best if we stay so you feel supported." Deaky said less assertively than the other two.

I wasn't ready to come to terms with what had happened, but it would be easier if I could cling to Roger, lean on Freddie's shoulder, and feel Deaky's comforting embrace. "I want you to stay please."

"Of course. We're not leaving." Roger reassured me.

"Alright. Take your time, Brian. Start at the beginning." Miami instructed. "How did you end up in the barn?" 

"I..." Goodness, that felt like another lifetime. Why did I go to visit Farmer McGregor anyway? What in the world was I thinking? I only had myself to blame. Still, I went into an explanation on how I had gone there hoping to be a hero only to get kidnapped and tortured alongside Lynette who I was supposed to rescue. Reliving the experience I found it just as traumatic, but part of me was glad to get it off my chest. In a way, it was relieving. There was an eerie silence after I tearfully concluded. I had no idea what the others were thinking. Hopefully they weren't judging my mistakes. It was pretty pathetic that I hadn't tried to fight back and I now became a blubbering mess. 

"And that son of a bitch is out on bail right now?" Roger's voice broke through the void, his tone boiling with rage. 

"He has to stay within 39 feet of Brian and Lynette, but yes. Unfortunately, innocent until proven guilty doesn't always benefit the victims." Miami sighed. 

"You have to testify, Brian. Let everyone know what that monster did to you and Lynette so nobody else has to be subjected to that torture." Deaky said. 

I nodded. "I-I could've fought back...Gotten Lynette out sooner." I murmured. 

"No! Oh darling, please don't blame yourself. None of this was your fault. You did all that you could and you're lucky to be alive after that ordeal." Freddie cooed. "None of us would've done anything different."

"I blame myself." Roger whimpered. "I could've stopped you from going there or figured out where you were and--"

"--The blame game is not healthy. McGregor is the one on trial. No one else." Miami stated. "Brian, I think you should go to a therapist. There's no shame in asking for help."

"I don't want therapy." I sighed. "Things will get better when I can see again." That was truth I was looking for, but deep down I knew these invisible scars wouldn't just magically disappear when my eyes returned. 

"Therapy won't solve your problems. Talking things out are for pussies." Roger blurted out of nowhere. 

"Who the hell told you that?" Freddie cried. "Darling, there should be absolutely no stigma in dealing with your emotions even as a man." 

"Michael." Roger paused for a moment. "Maybe I should reconsider any advice he gave me. Having a therapist probably would have helped me a lot."

"We should go together." I reluctantly decided. "It might make things better." I couldn't hide from what had happened to me. Repressing it would get me nowhere. Although reliving it also seemed scary. 

"I'll do it if you think it'll help." Roger gulped. "But I don't think I'll like it very much." 

"I think you'll benefit from it." Deaky said. 

"I can only hope." I replied.

***

"NO! SOMEONE HELP! PLEASE! NO! BRIMI!" Roger's terrified shrieks abruptly woke me from my sleep. I reached for him, to the best of my ability, clumsily embracing his trembling body. 

"Roggie, it's alright. I'm here love. You were having a nightmare. I'm here." I shushed him and rocked him through those riveting tears.

"B-Brian? Y-You're...Oh! Oh my God! I-I thought...I thought you were gone and I was...I was..."

"Shh. It's alright." I placed a kiss on what I assumed were his tresses and felt for the blindfold over his eyes. "You see fine, baby. I'm here. You just had a blindfold on. I told you you don't have to keep wearing it." 

"No, no...I want to. I'm sorry. Fuck!" He sniffled. "Aren't I supposed to be taking care of you?"

"You are. You're doing such a good job." I told him. "I don't know where I'd be without you." 

"We really do need that therapy, Bri." Roger said. "But I want us to do it together. I can't face my demons without you."

"You don't have to. I'm not leaving you." I kissed something else...a nose perhaps. Roger giggled. "I love you, Brimi." He lips landed on mine at last. 

"We can conquer this darkness together." I said. 

"Yeah." Roger grunted. "'s still dark out." He slurred. "Let's go back to sleep. 'kay?" 

"Are there stars out?" I wondered. 

Roger went quiet and for a moment I thought he had fallen back asleep. Then he spoke barely above a whisper. "The moon's not full, but it's not like a crescent or a sliver thing either...so it's almost full...and there are lots of stars out." 

I closed my eyes, letting that image pull me into a happy place. "Thank you, Roggie." I yawned. I was about to fall asleep again, but then I was woken up with a nudge. "Bri?" "Hmm?"

"I um I want you to know that if my car was on the tracks, I would let it get totaled by the trolley to save you." Roger said this in the most childlike manner, and it brought a smile to my face. "I love you too." I whispered, nuzzling closer to him. Tomorrow would be better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this should be fun. Let's turn this Maylor story into a courtroom drama! I'll come back this time next year after 1 year of law school and see how accurate I got all this stuff LOL. Undergraduate courses in constitutional law and criminal justice probably give me a basic understanding so that should help. Also I'm basing this off of the American legal system even though they're in England. I believe UK also uses common law rather than civilian law so it's not too different.


	9. Reaching out for a Helping Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Roger go to therapy.

Roger's POV

"You're doing great, baby!" I encouraged as Brian stepped into the waiting room. "We're almost there." I guided him to the nearest seat. "Ok you can sit down right here while I check us in, alright?"

I noticed Brian reach down to check that there was a seat below him before hesitantly sitting down. Did he not fully trust me? I shook off that feeling. I didn't want to go into this therapy session already doubting myself and my relationship. The shrink was going to quickly sense my vulnerabilities and pick them apart making matters worse. I took a deep breath. I was here for Brian. This was all for him. I reminded myself.

"Roger?" His voice was filled with concern. Oh no! Something was wrong. "What happened, love? Do you wanna go home! Say the word and I'll drive us home. We don't have to do this."

"No. I just...I didn't hear you move to go sign us in. Didn't you say you were gonna do that?" Brian wondered.

"Y-Yeah." I approached the little window where a woman sat behind a desk talking on the phone. She didn't even look up at me and continued to speak. Rude. As I tapped my fingers impatiently against the counter, I touched upon Braille writing. "Please ring the bell on the counter located at 1 o'clock. Otherwise I might not notice you. Thank you." The sign was transcribed in normal letters above as well. I suddenly felt horrible for passing judgement. Of course a therapist who dealt mostly with blind patients would hire a blind secretary. The woman wasn't being rude. She just didn't see me and her ears were preoccupied with the phone call she was making. 

At 1 o'clock sure enough I found a silver circular object. Was this the bell? I touched it curiously and gasped when it gently shook making a dinging noise. Cool! I touched it again this time watching it move as the sound resonated. 

"I'll be with you in a moment!" The secretary announced. Moments later she hung up the phone. "Hello, may I help you?" When she looked in my general direction I realized she was cross eyed. I had never seen that before and couldn't help but do a double take. Thankfully she couldn't see my reaction because I regretted it. Probably some of my old friends from school had similar eye issues. Dr. Adams was actually recommended by the school and she was alumni as well. The faculty suggested therapy for all students, but we all know what Michael thinks about therapy. I turned out fine without it, but I guess it was never too late.

"Hello?" The secretary asked again.

I was not used to being the one who could see. "Um hi. I'm—We're here to see—I mean visit Dr. Adams. We have an appointment." I stammered.

The secretary ran her hand across a paper which I knew had Braille writing on it. "The doctor has a joint session with May and Taylor in about 5 minutes. Is that you?" She asked. "I can't find any other joint sessions listed for today."

"No, yeah that's us." I replied. "I'm Roger Taylor and my fiancé Brian May is seated back there." I pointed to Brian but that wouldn't do me any good.

"Wonderful. I'll let the doctor know you're here. Meanwhile you can fill out this form." The secretary extended a slip of paper and some sort of device. "Do you need help with the Braille slate and stylus? We prefer our documents in Braille. Most of our patients are familiar with how to use it. Otherwise I can help."

I gasped. "That's what a slate and stylus looks like?" I was very familiar with the tools required to write in Braille, but I had never seen them before.

"Oh congratulations! You must've gotten your sight back recently." She sounded genuinely happy for me. When I congratulated friends on successful surgeries or miracles getting their sight back I always had that trace of envy in my voice. The secretary was an older woman with white streaks in her hair, so maybe she was content and at peace with her blindness. I probably would have reached that point eventually if I had gone on without meeting Brian. "How'd you know I got my sight back?" I asked.

"Many patients have that reaction to seeing a slate and stylus for the first time. You're not alone, hon. I've heard it's easier to use with your eyes shut because seeing it throws you off. When you're done filling it out, just return it here." She instructed.

I thanked her and took the form and tool back to where Brian was seated. "Rog, is that you?" He asked as I stroked Ringo's fur. He was such a good boy resting by Brian's feet patiently.

"I'm here, Bri." I assured him. "We have to fill out a form. Wanna help? It's in Braille so we can both do it."

I began to show him how to write in Braille finding it easier like the lady said to keep my eyes closed. Seeing the tool I knew only by touch before was just strange. Brian was a quick learner and caught on very well and was able to answer the last question all by himself.

"Dr. Adams is ready for you." The secretary announced. "Right this way." 

"Last chance to leave." I whispered. 

"We'll be fine, Rog. She's here to help us not hurt us. You said the school recommended her so she must be good." Brian linked our arms. "Lead the way please."

A chime went off when we walked through the door prompting Dr. Adams to look up and walk in our directly. A therapy dog of her own guided her toward us. Ringo sniffed his new companion curiously but listened when I told him to heel. The doctor seemed nice enough. She was taller than me with her high heels on, but Brian still made us both look like dwarfs by comparison. Her dirty blonde hair was tied back in a short ponytail and her warm brown eyes stared blankly ahead, but her smile was very welcoming. "Hello. I'm Dr. Adams. You must be Brian and Roger?" 

"Yes." We answered at the same time. "No, Roger," Brian corrected, "she said my name first, so I should be the first to introduce myself." 

"Well I got us here!" I insisted. 

"What does that have to do with anything?" He cried. 

"You're here for couples' therapy, I assume?" Dr. Adams interrupted. 

Damn it! I knew this was going to happen. She was going to create problems where there were none. This was a bad idea. 

"No, we're just...dealing with a lot of traumatic things, but our relationship is solid." Brian said. "We thought it was a good idea to seek an expert."

"Well I'm glad you came and I hope I can be some help." Dr. Adams said kindly. "There's a sofa at 3 o'clock. Sit wherever you feel most comfortable." 

I helped Brian find his way there and then took her "sit wherever you feel most comfortable" command literally and curled up on his lap. Brian was surprisingly accepting and didn't say anything. Dr. Adams didn't either, but she couldn't see us. 

"So why don't you tell me a little bit about yourselves. How long have you been together?" She prompted. 

"Almost a year." Brian said. 

"And how did you meet?" Dr. Adams inquired. 

"Well," Brian began, "my brother John was getting married and--"

"--Wait no, we didn't meet at Deaky's wedding." I jumped in. 

"No, we met before the wedding itself." Brian clarified. "We we were at the chapel in the hotel and--"

That was still wrong. "--Shut up!" 

"Sorry." Brian murmured as I went on. "We met when I accidentally answered John's phone. Bri always seems to forget that."

"Oh yes. We did unofficially meet over the phone. That was how our relationship started, calling each other night and talking for hours and hours. But we didn't meet in person until John's wedding." Brian explained and I let him tell the story correctly from there.

"Well you two are very fortunate to have found each other. That's a beautiful story. Roger, have you had any troubling adjusting to your new life?" Like with the secretary, there was no trace of bitterness. Dr. Adams sounded genuinely happy for me. 

"Um, it's been a lot easier than I expected but that's because Brian's always helping me figure out what's what. I think I would struggle a lot more if I didn't have him." I admitted. 

"Likewise." Brian squeezed my hand. 

"Well it's wonderful to have a healthy support system and you two seem to have that in each other." She observed. "So you mentioned you were engaged. That's so exciting! Do you have a date set?" Why did this feel more like a friendly conversation and less like someone painfully pestering us with personal questions? We must be doing something wrong. 

"We were planning our wedding but then..." Brian trailed off, not wanting to delve into what had happened. "Well that's why we're here isn't it? Everything went to hell. And you can help us find the light again." 

"I'm sorry to hear that, but I can't help unless you tell me what happened. And it's okay if you get emotional. There's no judgements here. I can't even see you cry. Just be open and honest and we'll work through what we're feeling and hopefully come out of this session with a better outlook." Dr. Adams prompted. 

"You don't have to tell her if you don't feel comfortable." I told Brian. It was so painful for him to relive those memories even when he spoke about it to Miami, so I couldn't imagine telling a stranger. Then again, he'd be telling a whole room of strangers in court, so maybe I should hold my tongue. 

"That is correct. We can talk about something else. You don't have to feel obligated. Whatever you feel comfortable with. This is your session so we can talk about whatever you'd like." Dr. Adams said.

"No, we might as well talk about the...incident." Brian sighed. I nuzzled as close to him as I could. "I'm here, baby." I whispered gently as Brian began to recount it all again. 

"...And each time he gave me these sedatives, I'd be out for longer and longer periods. I really thought that...I thought it was the end."

I didn't expect to be the first of us to start crying. But those memories came back to haunt me. Going blind again, believing Brian was dead, finding him bruised and unconscious as they carried him away on a stretcher. 

"Oh, Roggie. Shh. It's alright." Why the hell was Brian comforting me when it was him who went through that entire ordeal? I was just being a baby and making everything about me. 

"Roger, that must have been really scary for you as well while the search went on for Brian." Dr. Adams said. 

"I-I...never ever want to go through that again." I stammered. "He's my literal light...so when it went out... and I thought you were all dead and gone, I-I wanted to die too." 

"I'm so sorry, Roger." Brian said with a heavy sadness that made me hurt even more. "No, Bri. It's not your fault." 

"But it is." He insisted. "I should have known better than going to see that crazy man without telling anyone. It was foolish. And I could have spared you all this misery and aggravation." 

"No, you are not to blame." Dr. Adams said. "It's easy and common for victims to feel that way, but it isn't true. You did nothing wrong, Brian. What happened to you wasn't your fault. Farmer McGregor should be held responsible for his actions and hopefully justice will be served properly in your trial. He's the one who hurt you. You didn't bring any harm to anyone and didn't deserve that. That might take some time to accept and fully wrap your head around all the trauma, and that's normal. It'll just take time for you to realize that there was nothing you could have done differently and there was no real reason why McGregor did all those horrible things other than the fact that he's a sick man. I think the trial should bring you some closure." 

"W-What can I do?" Brian sighed. "In my head I keep going back to that hellish barn. No matter how hard I try." 

"Again, healing is not like turning on and off a switch. You'll make progress in time and the memories will begin to fade. But there are steps you can take to move in the right direction, and Roger you can help him. Keep yourself busy. Exercise, read, listen to music, hang out with friends and family. I know there's an added layer of trauma in your case, but I'm sure Roger can help you find activities that you can still do despite being temporarily blind." She instructed. 

"We've been picnicking in the park almost every morning and I think I feel my best in the mornings. Maybe that's why." Brian pondered. I kept up our picnic tradition because the weather had been so nice out and it was a good way to reinforce Brian's affiliation to nature. We enjoyed ourselves in the tranquility of the park and I was glad to hear it was helping Brian on the path to healing.

"That sounds very romantic and an excellent way to take your mind off things." Dr. Adams said. "You could even try cooking. And make your meals for the picnic the night before. Do you like to cook?" 

"I used to. I loved making vegan meals. It's kinda hard now, but I miss it." Brian sighed. 

I didn't realize how upset he was about missing out on working with his assembly of vegetables. I tried to rephrase this change in our routine more positively "Lately we've been buying things or we have family bring food over. Our friend Joe is a professional chef and is willing to make anything we desire, so we're very lucky."

"Under supervision I'm sure Brian can cook more vegan meals like he used to." Dr. Adams suggested. "It'll be good for you to return to something that you liked to do before to get a sense of normality." 

I wasn't sure if it was smart to have Brian under my supervision in the kitchen. It was normally the other way around. Still, I was willing to try. We needed some more things to bond over in the darkness, and I wanted Brian to be happy. "Clare got me a Braille cookbook a while back. I think I still have it. Maybe there's a vegan recipe in it." I proposed. 

"That might be nice." Brian agreed. 

"Okay. Can I give you some additional homework as well?" Dr. Adams asked. 

"I hate homework." I grunted. 

"Don't listen to him, doc. We need all the tools at our disposal. Please enlighten us." Brian requested.

"Brian, you need to be kinder to yourself. You can't expect to feel better overnight. So be patient with the progress you make. And Roger, don't feel like you have to do everything for Brian. You can reach out for help as well." 

"Who says I need help?" That came out more hostile than I meant it to. Oops. 

"There's no shame in asking for help if you need it. Remember that your relationship is a balance and you both need to support each other while not forgetting about your own needs." She explained. 

"Rog, you can still come to me for help even though I'm going through all this." Brian said. "Please do in fact. I love that you're caring for me now, but I want to still feel useful too."

"You are always useful, Brimi." I said sincerely. "It's me. I'm the one who doesn't have much of a purpose. I'm just clumsy and annoying." 

"What the hell are you talking about Roger? You're beautiful inside and out and you've been so caring and supportive of me. I've never experienced anything quite like the way you've been treating me lately. It makes me feel so special. And it helps me forget about all of this darkness. And I hate that this had to happen to me for me to truly realize what your life was like for all those years before we met. I thought I knew before but I didn't entirely grasp it until now. The more I think about it, the more I realize that you're my hero."

"I thought Jimi Hendrix was your hero." I sniffled. 

"Yes him too." Brian laughed and kissed the top of my head. "I love you, and I don't want to hear you talk about yourself the same way your father would because everything he ever said about you was utter BS."

It was ridiculous that I still needed to be told this, but ignoring Michael was a lesson I never seemed to take into account. "Thanks, Bri. I love you too. You're always ready to bring me up when the world wants to put me down. You have the kindest heart and the sweetest soul."

"Roger, you also need to be nicer to yourself." Dr. Adams said. "Here's some more homework for the two of you. Remind each other why you love one another like you did just now. Don't you both feel better now that you've said those beautiful things to each other?"

I felt Brian's arms tightly around me and recognized the warmth there. "Y-You know...I kinda do feel a bit better."

"Me too." Brian agreed. "This was very helpful. Thank you, Dr. Adams." 

"I think you've both made tremendous progress in just this short hour and it was brave of you to come here. Remember to continue to be patient."She said. "Healing doesn't happen over night. But you can depend upon each other to reach your goals."

"The hour's up already?" I asked. I was so comfortable. I wouldn't mind talking some more. "Maybe we could schedule another session?" 

"I'd love to." Dr. Adams proclaimed. "How about same time next week?"

***

"Roger, please be careful with that knife!" Brian again issued his concern for something he couldn't even see. "Are you sure you don't need any help chopping those?" 

"For the last time, no. I'm not putting a blind man in charge of chopping the bell peppers. You have your job. Keep stirring the sauce. I'll be fine." I instructed. 

"Yes, Chef." He teased. 

The dish was actually turning out better than I thought it would. There were no fires or any disasters yet. The sauce was pretty much finished and the pasta was done boiling. All we had to do was add the sauce and the veggies. I stopped halfway through my bell pepper massacre to pour some more vodka into the vodka sauce Brian was stirring. I wasn't following the precise directions in the cookbook, but I figured you'd want the ratio of vodka to tomatoes in the sauce to favor the alcohol considering the name was vodka sauce and not tomato sauce. 

"Alright. We're ready Freddie!" I announced. "Now all we have to do is add the sauce and the veggies to the noodles." 

"Wonderful. It all smells amazing. I'm proud of us. I didn't think I would still be able to make a meal like this." Brian leaned down to give me a kiss, but his lips landed on my nose instead. I laughed and gave him a correction kiss on the lips. 

Together we assembled the meal and sat down to eat our creation. I grinned when my initial bite of pasta was overwhelmed with a flavor of vodka. Yes! This was awesome. It was like getting drunk on noodles. 

"Roger, just how much vodka did you put in this?" Brian cringed. 

"Enough so that you can taste it. That's the point right? Why would they call it vodka sauce otherwise?" I said eagerly taking another forkful. Brian was slower to wrap the noodles onto his fork and deliver it into his mouth. The pasta fell several times before he managed. "Are you sure you followed the recipe?" Brian asked. 

"The recipe was wrong." I replied. "Mmm. This is so good! Best pasta ever!" I lost track of how many bites I had put into my mouth, but I was having so much fun. I couldn't stop giggling. I wasn't even sure what was so funny. Maybe I was just laughing with joy because Brian was finally starting to come out of the darkness and was handling all this trauma better than I ever would. "I love you, Brimi." I said. 

"Don't talk with your mouthful, love." He replied. 

"How'd you know?" I slurred. 

"I can hear it. My ears still work. You've clearly got food in your mouth. You taught me to be more reliant on sounds, and you're right. You can tell a lot just from your ears." Brian explained. 

"Didn't I tell ya that...ears and hands, babe. When your eyes fail you've gotta rely on sound and touch." As more vodka infused goodness entered my mouth I remembered the other two senses. "And taste and smell but they're less important I guess."

Then I found myself lost gazing into those beautiful hazel eyes as Brian continued to praise me. His eyes were foggy and unfocused but they were still so intelligent and gentle like an illustration of his overall brilliance and compassion.

"...I have learned a lot from you, Rog. You're so resilient, and it's beautiful that you're able to pass on these tips that you used to survive. I have so much admiration now for the way you lived for 22 years...." 

I took in a bit of what he said but I was too busy ogling his gorgeous locks and comparing it to the stringy pasta curls in my bowl. "You have spaghetti poodle hair." I snickered. 

"Mhm. You're also adorable when drunk. I think you've had enough to eat, sweetheart." Brian cleared my bowl from the table. "Mind helping me with the dishwasher?" 

"Of course. It's at 4'oclock." I opened up the machine for him to put the bowls in and then turned it on for Brian. 

We spent the rest of the evening cuddling on the couch "watching" a movie on the telly. The visual audio feature was enabled so Brian could enjoy his space documentary, but I don't think either of us were paying attention as we were busy passionately kissing and expressing words of love here and there. Despite these horrible recent events, I never felt more confident in our relationship, and I probably had Dr. Adams to thank for that. "I love you." I cooed again before falling asleep in my lover's arms. "Love you too, Rog." He yawned.


	10. Back to the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Brian's surgery!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be an emotional chapter but I think you can guess what'll happen based on the title.

_Roger's POV_

"Relax, Rog. There's no reason you should be more nervous than me." Brian squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"I'm not nervous." I lied. More like scared out of my goddamn mind but I tried to play it cool. The last thing I wanted was to panic Brian before going into surgery. I didn't want to raise his heart beat anymore. The doctors gave him the all clear, but it was still risky as his body hadn't fully recovered from the lethal doses of Farmer McGregor's poison. They didn't want him to be under anestics for too long as a result. So the surgeons would have to work quickly and proficiently.

"Alright, Brian, they're ready for you." The nurse announced.

"Wish me luck, Roggie." He took my hand in his and kissed it. I assumed he meant to kiss the backside of my palm but his lips landed on the side of my thumb instead. "Good luck." I whispered. "I'll see you later...literally." Brian said as the nurse wheeled him off to the operating room.

A chilly draft in the room with Brian's absence sent shivers down my spine. I was told to have a seat in the waiting room, but I didn't obey. Instead I rushed after the doctors filing into the OR, and stood on my tiptoes so I could peer into the small circular window on the door and watch them.

 _"Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay."_ I silently prayed even though I didn't believe in anything.

An oxygen mask was placed over Brian's face and within seconds his eyes fluttered shut and he became all too still. Fuck! I couldn't breathe. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest.

"Sir, you can't be here." Someone said, but their voice sounded far away. Everything was an out of focus blur, and then suddenly my world went black.

***

_It was going to work this time. It had to. What more was_ _left_ _to live for if I couldn't escape this dark void? I was going to graduate high school with vision. I was committed to that goal. Nothing else would suffice._

_"So he's the same doctor that Uncle Clem would've took you to?" Clare asked._

_"Mhm." I replied. "He has an extremely high success rate and he already did the surgery on a handful of my friends and they can see now." I couldn't keep the giddiness out of my voice. In just a matter of hours, I could be looking at my sweet sister's face rather than just hearing her voice. Sure, it had been years since my last failed surgery, but this doctor was top notch. Not just the best surgeon in Europe, but the world. He flew here all the way from Chicago, Illinois in America._

_I heard heavy footsteps like a stormtrooper in stilettos. "The nurse said they're ready for you, Roggie." Mom announced. "I'll be seeing you soon, my baby boy." She gave me a kiss. "And hopefully you'll see me too."_

_I reached up to touch her face, imagining what it would be like to see. What would she look like? What would I look like? "Okay. Let's do this!" I exclaimed, not phased by the feeling of the bed moving away. The sound of squeaky wheels beneath it reminded me of a shopping cart. I shut my eyes envisioning a car instead._

_I jolted slightly when the bed came to an abrupt stop. "Roger, I need you to count backwards from 39. Can you do that for me?" A man's voice asked as a tight constraint was put over my nose and mouth. Somehow I could still breathe. I had gone through this song and dance many times. I knew I'd be out in a matter of seconds. If there was a God out there, I prayed he could hear me and give me the results I was literally looking for this time. "39, 38, 37, 36, 35..." I dozed off._

_***_

_This was it. The moment we were all waiting for. I had been anticipating this my entire life. Spent years dreaming and wondering and fantasizing about what the world would look like. Now that wish I yearned for might finally come true after all these years of darkness. I clutched the side of my seat with baited breath as the nurse unraveled the bandages from over my eyes. I continued to wait...and wait..._

_"Are the off?" I asked._

_No one said anything. The room was dead silent. "Hello? Did you hear me? Are the bandages off?" I put a hand to my face, hoping to feel the fabric, but I didn't. I blinked several times, still waiting._

_"Roger..." The nurse's deflated tone was enough for me to know what had happened. Her words of sorrow went over my head. It was supposed to work this time. Why the hell didn't it work? Why couldn't I see? In a frustrated motion, I flipped over what I believed to be a medical table. Then I burst into tears. This wasn't fair! Why did I have to live like this?_ _There was no life beyond this darkness._ _What was the point in carrying on?_ _I made up my mind at that point. The comforting hugs and consoling words from Mom and Clare were not enough. I wanted to die._

_***_

"Roger, can you hear me?"

My eyes fluttered open. Light! A nurse's face was illuminated. I could see! That could only mean one thing...

"Bri's still alive!" I exhaled, wincing slightly when my vision was clouded by the onslaught of tears. No, it was alright. I could still see everything.

"You fainted on us, Roger." She explained. "From the looks of it you were having a panic attack. Here's a biscuit to make you feel better."

"Is Brian okay?" I asked as I accepted the cookie.

"The surgery went as planned without any issues but Brian is a bit groggy from the anesthetics. We'll be removing the bandages from his eyes shortly, but for now he needs to let his eyes rest and recover." She replied.

"When can I see him?" I demanded.

"You can see him now if you feel up to it." The nurse said.

"Why the hell am I still here then?" I cried stumbling up onto my feet. "Show me the way!"

_Brian's POV_

I couldn't tell if I was awake or not I was so tired and out of it. Little stars twinkled before an otherwise dark sky. Was I hallucinating? I reached up to touch the stars but my hands floated right through them. Then the illusion shattered and the stars went out. I saw nothing, not even the hand I was holding up to grab the stars.

"Brian? Are you there? Just give us a thumbs up if you can hear me?" Someone's voice broke through the nihility. Somewhat aware I pointed up my thumb. I couldn't even tell my right from my left...or if it even was a thumb. Maybe I was giving this person the bird. It was impossible to know.

"Good! Your surgery went well. Just rest and soon we'll remove the bandages."

Surgery?...My eyes! Why couldn't I see? Wasn't this supposed to be the answer to all of my problems? Did it fail? "C..Can't see..." I slurred.

"You're still a bit high, but that's alright. You'll come down soon." The man's voice said. "You can't see because your eyes are covered. Let your eyes rest for the next few hours. Then we'll unwrap the bandages."

"Dark." I murmured, swatting at the black oblivion in front of me as if the motion would manifest a display of stars. It didn't. Where were my stars? I missed them so much. There was one star that shined the brightest, and I missed him the most. One day I'd see him again with those bright baby blue eyes, long wisps of hair golden as sunshine, and that perfect smile that could blind a man if he wasn't careful.

"You're not a star, you're my Roggie." I giggled at the thought. "Why would I think that you're a star?" That apparition of my love in front of me blew me a kiss and disappeared.I was losing it. Roger wasn't here. It was all in my head. Reality was difficult to grasp.

"Brian?" That sounded like a woman's voice. "There's someone here to see you."

"...Can't see." I repeated.

"Brimi! You're alive!" Wait. That was definitely Roger's voice. Was he really here this time? I felt those familiar warm soft lips on mine. Yes, yes he was here. This had to be real. Star Roger wouldn't kiss me as well as Real Roger.

"I'll um give you two some privacy." The woman said and I heard the door shut.

"I was so scared that I fucking fainted." Roger proclaimed. "How are you feeling?"

"Doin alright." I slurred.

"That's good." I felt another gentle kiss on my cheek. "I guess I overreacted. They gave me a biscuit 'cause I had a panic attack and passed out. You want a bite? It's chocolate chip. If I had known I'd get a free snack I'd try and faint more often."

"Y-You're my snack." I laughed recalling how absolutely delectable Roger could look at times.

"The nurse wasn't joking. You're high as a kite." Roger realized.

"And you're hot as the sun." I replied. "That's why I gravitate around you...wait that makes me Earth...I don't know where I'm going with this metaphor." I rambled.

"The Earth is flat like you then." Roger blurted.

"I hate you." I cried. "But I can't cause I love you." I fell in to a fit of giggles again.

"I love you too, baby. No matter what happens. Okay?" Roger embraced me and I felt a wetness drip down my shoulders. Now was a strange time for Roger to take a bath. He sniffled. "If this is it...and this shit is permanent...then we'll make the most of it so long as we have each other. I know it's unfair, but...Fuck. I've got nothing else to say other than it's unfair."

"Permanent?" What was permanent? "Permanent marker isn't actually permanent. There are ways to remove it. No harm done. Please don't cry."

"No, Bri, don't you get it? I know you're out of it because of the drugs, but you need to listen. There's a chance that...that you'll end up like me. And I don't want that for you. I could barely cope before I met you. My life was awful. There was no way around it."

My poor baby was sobbing. Why was he crying? No, no. That wasn't right. Only happy Roggies were allowed here. Nobody wanted a sad angel. As best I could, I brought him closer for a cuddle. Feeling his warm soft body against mine put me at ease.

"You're like a teddy bear." I stated, stroking his tresses. "You're smol and cuddly. You always make me feel safe and happy."

"You have no clue what's going on, do you?" Roger sighed.

"You're here and I get to hold you like my little teddy bear." I snuggled against him, suddenly feeling sleepy. I yawned. "Don't tell Rog." I whispered feeling the need to confide in someone. "I have a crush on him."

My sweet angel laughed and gave me a kiss that lit up my dark world. "Don't you worry, Brimi. Your secret's safe with me."

I felt myself falling back asleep. Before I could properly enter my dreamscape I heard a beautiful high rasp announce "I think Roger has a crush on you too, Bri."

***

I couldn't remember much of what had happened during and after surgery. My eyes hurt a bit when I tried to open them. I was caught off guard by the bandages blocking my sight. "Rog, are you there?" I croaked, my voice hoarse. 

"I'm here, honey." I felt a hand on my cheek. "I'm here." He repeated. "Are you of sound mind yet?"

"Tired." I groaned. "W-What happened?" 

"Everything looks good so far, but we won't know for sure until they remove the bandages." There was a slight quiver in his voice, and it made me feel like I wasn't getting the full truth. 

"Are you sure everything's good?" I asked. "Should I be worried?"

"I-I...I don't know." Roger's voice sounded raw, and it bothered me. "You're upset." I ventured. "Why? What happened?" 

"N-Nothing happened per say...I'm just scared." He admitted. "I want this to work really bad. A-And I don't want you to have to go through that disappointment of thinking you'll finally see light only to have that little bit of hope taken away. That shit fucks you up. You're never the same after a failed surgery. Each one gets a bit worse than the last...and eventually you just give up. W-What if I'm not enough to help you through this? I can't lose you, Bri."

"You have me." I assured him, gently tracing the features of his face with my fingers. "You'll always have me." I wasn't mentally prepared to deal with the thought of never seeing him again. I didn't want to have to deal with that train wreck of emotions if this was permanent. No, it couldn't be. I wouldn't allow myself to go down that path. 

I heard the door opened and looked up out of instinct, but I knew it was pointless. I tapped Roger to tell me what was going on. Only the nurse spoke before Roger could. "Okay, Brian. I hope you're excited because whenever you're ready, we're going to remove the bandages." 

I gulped. I never expected to be fearful of this moment. For the past three weeks each second had drained on with agony until I could reach this point. Now that it was here, I was filled with a sense of dread. What if I still couldn't see? Well there was only one way to find out. "I'm ready." I whispered. 

The bandages were slowly unwrapped and I waited for that moment, biting down on my lip apprehensively. "Bri, we won't know anything until you open your eyes. It's okay. I'm still here." Roger promised. "I'm right in front of you and I'll stay here as long as you need me." 

My eyes stung as they blinked open and keeping them open was a struggle because the light I could now make out was nearly blinding. After a few blinks my eyes finally adjusted. My vision was foggy and not as crisp and detailed as I remembered, but it was there. I could see everything the world had to offer. I had forgotten how breathtakingly beautiful Roger looked and seeing him now for the first time in weeks flooded my eyes with tears. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude that all I could do was bawl. 

"Oh no! No! Please don't cry, Brimi. I promise we'll be alright. I've got you. It's okay. I'll always be here and we'll find a way to cope." Roger cried along side me, but not for the same reasons. I was so emotional I could barely speak but I had to reassure him that I could see again. So I stuttered out the first word that came to mind when I opened my eyes again. "Blue." 

Roger continued to cry, but now he was smiling. "Hazel." He squealed kissing my lips. "Hazel. Hazel. Hazel." Somewhat violently he continued to smash our lips together while laughing hysterically. Both of our faces were drenched in streams of tears coming from both of our eyes. All was as it should be once again. 

"I missed you so much, Rog." I exclaimed, not daring to tear my eyes away from his angelic face. Until now I always took his eye candy for granted. That was going to stop from this day forward. I'd honor his beauty both inside and out. "I love you so much. Thank you for helping me survive this mess." I told Roger as he continued to wipe away his tears. 

"Thank you." Roger replied. "You'd do the same for me. I know you would." He kissed me one more time and I allowed my eyes to gently flutter shut without fear of losing the perfect image when they opened once more. 

***

"How do I look?" I asked putting on the frames. 

"Like the world's sexiest professor." Roger replied.

"Roger, darling, it's not helpful to Brian if you say the same thing for each pair of glasses he tries on. He'll look like the world's sexiest professor no matter what. We get it. Now tell us which pair you think makes him look the most sexy. Personally I prefer the darker frames." Freddie critiqued and John nodded. 

"Okay." I tried on the darker ones again earning thumbs up from my brothers. "So we like these the best so far?" 

"You look like the world's sexiest professor." Roger drawled again. 

"Hmm..." I tried on the first pair again and took a look in the mirror. I couldn't decide if I looked better with the thicker or the wiry frames. Maybe I should see what the wiry frames looked like when I wasn't bundled up in my sweatshirt. They could match better when I wore just the thin shirt I had on underneath. I wasn't sure if it would make a difference, but I removed my sweatshirt without giving it much thought. I heard Roger wolf whistle and laughed, but then my smile faded when I saw the faint scars on my neck that the sweatshirt had covered. They were healing, but I hated their presence. They reminded me too much of being confined to that blasted barn and being treated like an animal. 

"Bri, what's the matter?" Roger asked. 

"N-Nothing." I quickly put the sweatshirt back on and tried on the darker frames again that Freddie and John liked. "I think these are the ones I want." 

"Yes those are my favorite." Deaky agreed. 

"You look smart and stylish, my dear. Excellent pick!" Freddie applauded. 

"Y-Yeah." I took them off and went to the counter to order them with my prescription. Roger, Freddie and Deaky all fraternized without a care in the world. 

"...So I told Ronnie I'd meet her at the baby store after this. We're gonna buy a stroller..."

"They have a baby store _and_ an eyeglasses store? Wow! I love the mall! Why don't we come here more often? We should all get pretzels. Can you believe I've never seen a pretzel before this? I saw people eating them on the bench outside and I was so confused but Bri said they were pretzels and it blew my mind. I never knew they were so twisty."

"I am so taking you on a shopping spree, darling! Brian can't keep you all to himself, now can he?" 

For them it seemed like life had returned to normal. So why couldn't I just forget and move on? I tried my best to shake away any negative feelings and turned in my prescription to get my glasses done. I was safe now. That was what mattered. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Farmer McGregor is from Peter Rabbit and I was too lazy to come up wth a better farmer name. Don't laugh but when my mom read me those books as a kid, I was traumatized by Farmer McGregor. How can you capture and hurt cute bunnies like that? I haven't seen the new movies, but they probably made it more kid friendly. Anyway, lots of drama is on its way! This is the plot I would've gone with in the main story, but I think it's too twisted. Let me know what you think!


End file.
